For your grandson, the stubbornness, the argumentive and surly persona, not taking meds, refusing help... That's normal, and it's not up to the parent or grandparent to decide, necessarily, what is best for them, or what they need. No job, no degree, no friends, no perceived future? Yes, as a caretaker that hurts to see, especially when you feel like you've invested so much into their life. However, and believe me when I tell you this, it's so much harder for him, it's so much more difficult and agonizing to look in the mirror, realize that you're not living up to the expectations that others have placed on you. Imagine a life where you grew up being different than everyone around you.. Being judged for missing milestones that were designed for people that were nothing like you. Being called out in a classroom full of peers for being "disruptive" and "challenging" when, in fact, the rules weren't designed for someone with a mind like yours. How can such a person find a place in a world that wasn't designed for them? I understand your heart is in wanting the best for them, but your heart is misguided because it's not about you, it's about them... Your frustrations are real and understandable, but your grandson and his happiness is what is important, how you feel about their performance, though understandable, is nothing more than a stumbling block to him...why should he have to perform in a certain way to relieve your anxieties? Thank you for sharing, I hope this wasn't too harsh, I'm just trying to be real.