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Acceptance of Prostate Cancer and its side effects

Prostate Cancer | Last Active: Dec 3 9:23pm | Replies (40)

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@scottbeammeup

I can relate to everything you said. I had radiation and ADT and it's "finished" with, at this point, only mild side effects still lingering, but I do still get periodic panic attacks reading about all the terrible things that are going to happen in 2-5 years (permanent untreatable ED, incontinence, bleeding from bladder and rectum, other cancers, etc.) and sometimes feel, 8 months out, that I'm just waiting for the "other shoe to drop."

That said, though, at this point I'm having more good days than bad and more good thoughts than bad so things are improving. While I was on ADT I was unsure how many of my bad feelings were from the drug and how many were "real" and now that I'm taking an antidepressant to help feel more normal I'm wondering the same thing, i.e. when I'm feeling happy am I actually happy or is it just an artificial happiness caused by the medication?

I never got to have a traditional midlife crisis where I slept around with people half my age and bought an expensive new car so getting a PC diagnosis was mortality slapping me in the face when I'd been kind of smug about being in good physical shape and eating healthy, thinking those things would protect me (hah!). At times, I do envy people who are spiritual because I think that provides a kind of strength I will never have (pretending to be spiritual doesn't do anything for me).

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Replies to "I can relate to everything you said. I had radiation and ADT and it's "finished" with,..."

Totally agree with everything you say, Scott. I was another believer that my healthy lifestyle and exercise regimen would protect me from the Big C….what a joke, huh?
I now eat Kraft American cheese on my burgers instead of the artisanal, organic cheddar from the farm near me for $25/ lb!!
It melts and tastes way better and all the artificial ingredients and dyes may actually be why my PSA is lower - and NOT the ADT and radiation🤣!
And being a very lapsed Catholic and altar boy, I am anti-spirituality to the max. But I too envy those lucky souls who truly find peace and comfort in the spiritual realm.
Whenever people say they are praying for me I say “please don’t!” But follow it with a chuckle or a joke because I don’t want to offend them and their beliefs…but like you, I cannot pretend to be on their spiritual level.
I have, however, come to a level of acceptance that does bring me peace. My mantra is YOU GET WHAT YOU GET in life snd then you just have to deal with it. So many of the guys on this forum have such advanced or aggressive disease, yet their courage and perseverance gets them through the most horrible treatments imaginable! THEY are my spirituality, THEY are my strength and THEY are the ones who guide me through this very twisted and unpredictable journey. Best to you!!