@billiekip It’s a huge change for you with your husband now living in a Memory Care facility. This is definitely still a forum for you as you need support whether your role is an at-home caregiver or an advocate-caregiver as you now find yourself.

While you said you’ve talked with staff and that nothing can be done I respectfully disagree if staff told you that. If staff are not intervening when this happens then I’d like to suggest that you next speak with the clinical supervisor of the facility and if still not resolved that you move up to administration. This woman, as you described her, is affecting your husband’s mental health and likely others at the facility. I have worked in group residential facilities and there are often people who I shall say what their behavior is—toxic. This affects everyone in the environment and so it is on the shoulders of staff to resolve this issue. Of course one will assert that this woman has the same rights as anyone else who is currently residing at the facility. However, given her behavior, the supervisory staff must decide how best to deal with this very difficult situation.

If this were my situation I would advocate for my husband by going to the supervisory staff and then administrative staff. When encountering this woman, I would try to remind myself to not interact with her at all. When she starts with the behavior you describe, I’d try to ignore her so as not to give her the audience that she might be looking for. I don’t know what the seating arrangement is for dining but I’d also make sure that my husband and I are never at the same table as this woman. You can advocate for this.

It is saddening to think that one person can create so much havoc in the environment where your husband is now residing. I’d encourage you to not yet look at other options but I would definitely tell supervisory that it may resort to this if they cannot resolve this problem.

Oh, and one other point. I would document in writing for myself any and all discussions I’ve had with staff about this. This is for your husband’s protection as well as your own.

When do you think you will speak with supervisory staff?