HI @melissa333 🙂 My name is Kim. I read your discussion post... above. First- I BELIEVE YOU! Second- YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You are NOT invisible. I read your post several times... I hear you, and I am listening. I relate very much, to what you have written, Melissa. Your discussion heading fits me to a T.
I am SO glad that you took the toughest step, and reached out to others, here, in the MAYO Connect groups.
I also fit every "Empath" trait and I am intuitive as well. Many people do not understand these traits, and often minimize OUR sensitivity and label us negatively. "You're just too sensitive...” One of the biggest I have encountered was from an ex boyfriend. I HAVE great difficulty going out, into crowded places, malls, large restaurants, concerts, etc... He used to tell me “You’re all about you; you never want to do anything or go anywhere". BUT YES... I do. BUT, I can't always do it. In situations such as those, I feel as if I can "feel and read, every emotion, or feeling that others are having, and I become overwhelmed (almost like when a TV would be placed on a channel that was off air, and all you heard was the "white noise".) I want to get to some place quiet, calm... even if that means being alone. You may relate to what I am saying... I am sure you have similar things that come to mind, when you read what I wrote...
As a person that relates on many levels, to what you have written, I admit, that I too have felt that I am invisible, that no one understands or believes what I feel, when I share my thoughts. I AM a deep thinker... as well as "intuitive"... and at times it has been a tremendous ability, and other times it overloads me with endless thinking/feelings. So, I journal.
I deal with several, what I call... "Invisible illnesses"... meaning if others "can't see" them, then they do not exist. BUT they do exist! Mental Health illnesses/disorders are among that list; depression, high anxiety and chronic panic attacks. I also have degenerative disc disease, (DDD) in my neck, from a work injury I sustained in 2004. It was an incident, which occurred from an injury to my head. As the next year came about, I developed other symptoms.
I now have a spinal cord impingement and injury to my neck discs, from C3-C8. The C4-C5 area being the worst. No surgeries, as of yet. With it has come the inability to feel my hands and arms, at times, (numbness, pins and needles feelings) nerve damage, loss of mobility in my neck... and a host of other issues... my lifelong anxiety, depression and panic attacks have been exacerbated, increased because of the roller coaster of emotions that come with living with chronic pain.
You mentioned that you had a Psychiatrist that you felt demeaned you, and did not listen to you. To me, that is a very important aspect to your highest level of care. YOU deserve so much better, and you deserve to be listened to. To me... hearing someone and listening to someone are different. If you have the ability to hear, you will "hear" my words... HOWEVER, listening to me, involves taking in what I say, from hearing it, processing it and offering a response back.
I am glad that you are leaving that Dr behind, and moving on. I genuinely hope for you, that this new Psychiatrist offers you MORE support, understanding and treatment options. If not, would this retired Dr you spoke of, be able to help refer you to another? Do you see a Primary Care Physician, General Practitioner, etc... that can help with referring you to other Dr’s, that specialize or hold more knowledge, in the issues that you deal with.
(I am in the US. I am not sure where you reside)
You asked how you get these Dr's to listen to you... YOU know yourself best, Melissa. Be open, honest and talk to them. YOUR body is yours, your feelings, and thoughts that YOU know are holding you back from living a productive and happy life, or being able to socialize, etc ARE real.
Advocate for yourself. Do not be ashamed of who you are, and what you are going through.
Dr's are people, first. Then they become Dr's. They are human. We don't always "like' traits others have. That is normal. AND YES, we can get those feelings from the Dr's we meet. I will tell you, that I may not always care for, or agree with everything one of my Dr's tells me... and I will think on it... are they efficient, knowledgeable, and WORKING for/with me, in MY best interest. Do I feel better or worse after I see them? If I don't feel I have gained from the visit in some way, I discuss that at my next appointment, with them. YOU have the right to change Dr's. Which you are doing. I have, too. I am presently looking to replace my Primary Care Dr. Why? Because as you wrote... “.. Why won’t they listen to ME?” My Primary Care Dr benefits me little, and does not work as a team player for my treatment plan, with the Cardiologist and Neurosurgeon, I also see.
Bedside manner is important to many, BUT sometimes the best Dr's are the ones who prove, with action and words, that they are working WITH YOU as a whole, and know you are a person and not just a list of symptoms. I will take a Dr that is efficient, knowledgeable, and WORKING for/with me, in MY best interest, EVEN if they may not have the best bedside manner. If a Dr comes across as arrogant, or pompous, or just doesn't seem to care, I will work to replace them. I have NO time for that type of Dr.
I read your words, Melissa. You want to find a Dr/'s that "listen" NOT just hear you. Even if that means seeing several, until you find the right ones. I know, it is difficult and it is often a lot of work... HOWEVER, you ARE worth that work and effort, to find what you are seeking.
You wrote a wonderful, moving post... and YOU are NOT invisible. I listened to your words, and I hear you. I listened to the frustration, the disappointment and to the feeling that you are invisible. I wish I could prove to you, that YOU are NOT invisible, to me. My reply is what I have to offer, to show you that YOU are being heard.
I relate to the feeling of being "lost"... being frustrated and wanting someone to acknowledge, that YOU truly aren't trying to live your life the way it is now... something is truly wrong, as YOU know you, the best! You want to feel better and understand what it is you are dealing with.
Keep doing what you are doing... trying... advocating for yourself, speaking up, seeking new Dr’s..., and surviving, day by day...
Keep writing Melissa, vent, share, contribute... whatever is comfortable for you... I will listen! And, I believe many others in the Mayo Connect groups will too.
It is an awesome feeling when you find a tid bit, some advice, information... etc that someone else has taken the time to write out, for others to read. A piece of encouragement, or a new idea.. like a gift, as I read from another members point of view, one day..
And the greatest of all, is finding out... seeing and feeling... YOU truly are not alone, and you ARE being listened to.
~ My best wishes to you, Melissa. Have a good day... and be gentle on yourself. ~ Kim PS- (My thoughts will be with you, for your appointment Wednesday. I hope you find a "fit" with the new Dr. 🙂 )