I visited all the assisted livings in our county, decided on the one which had a “mom and pop” vibe versus the “medical model” vibe. I also looked for an architectural design that had an “open feel”, with lots of windows for natural light and a patio or entry area that provided opportunities for fresh air. I looked for central natural gathering areas which could be easily accessed by residents, promoting “organic” get-togethers.
You would be surprised how many AL designs feature long hallways with out-of-the way living room areas that no one goes to, central seating areas with hallway spokes which necessarily have no windows, maybe a dirty skylight. The outside entry way isn’t big enough for those in wheelchairs to sit and not block the door, the inside foyer area isn’t big enough to be a gathering place for those who can make it down the long hallways or big enough to accommodate those coming in wheelchairs.
My husband’s AL has a big central natural gathering area where he wheeled himself over to a guy wearing a Navy ball cap, a new friend! Another Navy guy spotted them, the three now hang out together. His table mates have formed a guy club, they find each other in the central space and go out to the patio area to sit and chat, three have dementia and the leader a bad stroke- he organizes the group to order out, with delivery, he’s the only one that can work a cell phone and handle the money.
It’s an absolute truism that the staff will change, people will call off, COVID will make its way in, the cook won’t show up, etc. The best advice I ever got was not to look for chandeliers, but for nice people, a clean place, a good physical lay-out, and a good vibe.
Once you choose, it’s very important to be nice to the staff- at move-in, introduce yourself, ask people’s names and remember them (I put them in my phone notes and laugh that my gray hair makes my memory not so good, the staff- mainly young women all laugh).
Compliment staff often, I call into the kitchen that whatever is cooking smells great (afternoon cooking is often supper’s dessert), if staff’s kids are along on a weekend or school holiday, I say something nice to the mom, if there’s been a haircut, I poke my head in the nursing office and say thanks for getting him on the list, he looks very sharp today! The point is to make yourself a positive person that they don’t cringe when they see you and will go the extra mile to quickly fix anything that you do need to get fixed.
I introduce myself and learn the names of the residents who are usually out and about and greet them as I go by to my husband’s room. Three times now, residents have told me about issues with my husband that I needed to address with him and staff, you have more folks watching out for him and staff trusts you as a reasonable person, not someone constantly complaining and looking to get them in trouble.
Leaving you with a laugh- the facility’s outdoor layout has a loop sidewalk which goes by a roadway that has a bus stop, with a bus shelter with a bench. The Navy and table mate groups think it’s hilarious to walk to the shelter, pushing the wheelchair guys, sit on the bench, and wait for the next bus. The drivers pull in, look with total horror at what awaits, and the guys laugh and laugh and call out that they’re just resting. The drivers laugh and it’s all good! Humanity beats dementia!