Hello,
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Life isn't always following the outline that WE want it to. I'm hearing a lot of sadness for what might have been... but you had to.... BUT you tried VERY hard to come back to your daughter...BUT there were things that made it so you couldn't...BUT you did return after many years...BUT she wouldn't make things ok... You are using quit a few actual "buts" in your post too.
These "buts" are like saying something got in the way: I couldn't HELP it! It WAS not me!! I was NOT the one responsible for what happened!!! Give me a BREAK OK ???
You know what happened. Don't blame yourself...because that's what I am hearing a little coming through. And forgive yourself for not being able to...what? Rescue yourself? I'm sorry if that was too personal.
HUGS!!