How to come to peace with your best friend gone?

Say to yourself: How lucky I am to have known somebody that saying goodbye to was so damn awful!

I'm so very sorry for your loss, and your friend's pain. I lost two people in my life to suicide. I'm 70 years old, and although the feelings I have aren't acute I'm still very sad when I think about this. I really suggest a grief group. Try to find one near you or on zoom. Sometimes funeral homes provide them, or can refer you. Therapy helped me, but grief group the most--it was free and other people understood what I was going through.
As time passed, I was also able to do something in honor of one of my friends that died. She died in part because her family did not take her suffering seriously. Decades later I was able to take care of someone in a deep way. I told my dead friend--I did this for you.
Do you like to write in a journal? It might help to write a letter to your friend. You can't send it in a literal way, but maybe you can find a ritual to communicate your feelings.
Please take care of yourself because grief is a bumpy journey. I'm sure you'll get more helpful response here. Keep in touch.

As I get older it seems that many of the people I cared about have passed away.
Grieving could become a full-time job -- if I let it.

And there are pets that I miss more than some people. (I was a bachelor for a long time, and my pets kept me going when at times it seemed nobody on earth gave a damn about me. But my dogs loved and needed me. See attached photo. He's been gone for 28 years and I still miss his fuzzy face.)

In the dark moments, I ask myself, "Would my lost friends and pets want me to be miserable? What would they tell me instead?"

I figure they'd want me to enjoy the sweetness of life that they can no longer experience. Watch a sunset, savor a treat, go for a walk, say something kind to someone, even a stranger. (If you think you don't know anyone to be kind to, say something kind to me. I can use it.)

It's tragic that your friend could not find a better path out of his pain. I definitely understand; I've been in constant, unrelenting, merciless physical pain ever since having a stroke nearly six years ago. It drains the color out of life; it's floating on an ocean of misery with no shore in sight.

You can start to address your own pain by helping others. Reaching out a hand in love and friendship helps you by helping others.

That's why I'm here on Connect. If I can raise someone else's spirits, it helps my own.

Try it.

Thank you, I do journal I even texted him for his birthday (his number was still connected idk now). I'm trying to take care of myself and find an outlet. Thank you again for your kind words and advice.

I believe we are blessed to have been placed on this earth with those we care about! Such a gift that we are able to enjoy those we love. Never a guaranty, but a true blessing! Keep the good memories alive everyday! All will be reunited in Heaven!