My incontinence last year was due to radiation cystitis, not muscle sphincter damage from a prostatectomy, so this might not apply. But for me, what ended (most of) the urge incontinence after 5 challenging months was a combination of staying hydrated, reducing urinary-tract irritants like caffeine/alcohol/carbonated drinks/spicy foods, and a high-dose prescription of Myrbetriq to relax the detrusor muscle (which squeezes the bladder).

At the worst point, I was waking every 30 minutes to urinate. Over a year later, I'm sleeping most of the night again, confidently sitting on a plane for a trans-Atlantic flight, and I'm off the Myrbetriq. There's light at the end of the (long) tunnel.