Any suggestions for the wife on how to support my husband?

Posted by anything4him @anything4him, Nov 15 12:09pm

Hi everyone, sadly we are now part of this group. I am looking for suggestions to help and support my husband through an upcoming prostatectomy. What did your significant other do -or you wish she would have done- to support you?

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All good comments for such a good wife and partner!
My two thoughts: 1. Guys are mostly super shy about 'penis' talk so be gently assertive. (Remember the line: it's not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog" & etc)
2. Have you considered kegels for yourself??? In the happy outcome (whenever that happens) you'll be ready for better than old times fun.
You're on such a great track! He's blessed!

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Google "penile rehabilitation after prostatectomy"

And check out Melissa Barrett's info here: https://melissahadleybarrett.com/penile-rehabilitation-program/

Then start thinking about how the two of you will systematically work on regaining control over your intimate life together. It may take 6-18 months, but persistent dedicated daily work will produce much better results than just hoping for the best.

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I am very sorry for both you and your husband. I wish I had something to offer but since I have not been in that position, I can't.
However, I just wanted to say thank you for bringing this up. It helps me appreciate that with all I went through, which was not as bad as I did not have to do that procedure, but I had a catheter for about 10 months and now since then I still can't even do anything because I am on a testosterone blocker still, so now about 1 year and 9 months since I have been able to 'function'.
The reason I say I appreciate it is I thankfully did/do not have a significant other. I would have hated to see what would have possibly happened if I would have had to put a significant other for over 2 years as I was having issues almost 8 months before I was diagnosed with Stage IV Prostate (metastatic to bone, spleen and lymph nodes) cancer which I go into the Mayo Monday, November 19th to hopefully hear I have conquered it. I feel like I possibly could have.
Not trying to hijack your post but I just wanted to thank you for helping me realize how lucky I am.
I am ultra sorry your husband and you have to go through this experience and I just hope, and will also pray, that your husband can fully recover and you two can experience a relationship way better than you ever dreamed or imagined possible!
Tom

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@grandpun

All good comments for such a good wife and partner!
My two thoughts: 1. Guys are mostly super shy about 'penis' talk so be gently assertive. (Remember the line: it's not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog" & etc)
2. Have you considered kegels for yourself??? In the happy outcome (whenever that happens) you'll be ready for better than old times fun.
You're on such a great track! He's blessed!

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Thank you!
I brought up kegels at our surgeon appointment because I had no idea how to explain it to my hubby!
He’s an amazing man - I am blessed to have him in my life.

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You have already proven you are and awesome wife! Many blessings for that.

Positive attitude and encouragement are two of the best pre and post-op helps. From your posts you have the first one down pat. 🙂

Just be there. My wife and I have been together for 54 years (48 married) and her attitude and encouragement have been instrumental in my recovery. I am 11 weeks post-op and I lost one side of my nerves, so sexual intimacy is off the table for now—hopefully sometime in the future.

I just love your attitude. Keep it going. 🙂

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@trusam1

Google "penile rehabilitation after prostatectomy"

And check out Melissa Barrett's info here: https://melissahadleybarrett.com/penile-rehabilitation-program/

Then start thinking about how the two of you will systematically work on regaining control over your intimate life together. It may take 6-18 months, but persistent dedicated daily work will produce much better results than just hoping for the best.

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Thanks! I’ll check it out

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@thomaspmccoy

I am very sorry for both you and your husband. I wish I had something to offer but since I have not been in that position, I can't.
However, I just wanted to say thank you for bringing this up. It helps me appreciate that with all I went through, which was not as bad as I did not have to do that procedure, but I had a catheter for about 10 months and now since then I still can't even do anything because I am on a testosterone blocker still, so now about 1 year and 9 months since I have been able to 'function'.
The reason I say I appreciate it is I thankfully did/do not have a significant other. I would have hated to see what would have possibly happened if I would have had to put a significant other for over 2 years as I was having issues almost 8 months before I was diagnosed with Stage IV Prostate (metastatic to bone, spleen and lymph nodes) cancer which I go into the Mayo Monday, November 19th to hopefully hear I have conquered it. I feel like I possibly could have.
Not trying to hijack your post but I just wanted to thank you for helping me realize how lucky I am.
I am ultra sorry your husband and you have to go through this experience and I just hope, and will also pray, that your husband can fully recover and you two can experience a relationship way better than you ever dreamed or imagined possible!
Tom

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Thank you- Wishing you all the best on Monday

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@chipe

You have already proven you are and awesome wife! Many blessings for that.

Positive attitude and encouragement are two of the best pre and post-op helps. From your posts you have the first one down pat. 🙂

Just be there. My wife and I have been together for 54 years (48 married) and her attitude and encouragement have been instrumental in my recovery. I am 11 weeks post-op and I lost one side of my nerves, so sexual intimacy is off the table for now—hopefully sometime in the future.

I just love your attitude. Keep it going. 🙂

Jump to this post

Thank you! We cry, we laugh-we will get through this together 😊
Best wishes for a solid recovery

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@anything4him

Thank so much for sharing your personal notes. We are one of those couples that hold hands & cuddle now so that’s good. Yes, the self-image has me concerned so I’ll be aware of that. I can’t imagine what this must be like for a man-has to be emotional & frustrating. I’ve got him doing kegels too so I think we are heading in to this as well as we can. I’ll research the pelvic floor exercises- maybe I can add something to our daily routine.
Much appreciated.

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Your husband's Urologist can write a prescription for pelvic floor therapy with a physical therapist after he heals from the surgery. In addition to the physical therapist verifying the kegels are being done correctly, they'll work with your husband doing light weight exercises that strengthen the pelvic floor. These exercises can then be done at any gym or at home with stretch bands after physical therapy ends. Very worthwhile to get post surgery Pelvic floor PT. I've had zero incontinence issues since my surgery 2 years ago. Best of luck to you and your husband, he'll get through this just fine.

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@perrychristopher

Your husband's Urologist can write a prescription for pelvic floor therapy with a physical therapist after he heals from the surgery. In addition to the physical therapist verifying the kegels are being done correctly, they'll work with your husband doing light weight exercises that strengthen the pelvic floor. These exercises can then be done at any gym or at home with stretch bands after physical therapy ends. Very worthwhile to get post surgery Pelvic floor PT. I've had zero incontinence issues since my surgery 2 years ago. Best of luck to you and your husband, he'll get through this just fine.

Jump to this post

Thank you!

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