"...I'm working my butt off right now..."

This is the right attitude. There are proven pathways to maximize your chances of good return of continence and erectile function. Committing to those rehab plans with the laser focus of a footballer to make the NFL as an undrafted walk-on will at a minimum help you avoid wallowing in worries about what your future life will be like. There is much advice in this forum on both these fronts.

There is no current set of standard guidelines for penile rehabilitation post nerve-sparing RALP. Personally, I found the following to be effective for turning my "dead fish" back into a firm and playful dolphin. Starting within two weeks of the surgery, daily PED-5 inhibitor (eg viagra @ 50-100mg), stimulation to orgasm 2x/week with a sex toy designed for a flaccid penis (eg Octopussy), use of a vacumn erectile device 5x/week for 2-3x 3-5 minutes (eg Vacurrect), and patient playful experimentation with my wife. At age 74, that got us back into our previous sex life within 7-8 months. I regarded it the same as re-habbing from a significant injury, like an Achilles tear, which can take up to a year.