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To everyone else with suggestions, my heartfelt THANK YOU for your suggestions, they were very helpful.
I'm able to bury this thing in the back of my head 90% of the time, but every once in a while, like right now at midnight on a Monday, it's really freaking me out again.
I told my wife that I'm not at all afraid of the cancer nor the surgery - both things I have experienced before, I'm terrified of waking up from surgery and starting a radically different life than I anticipated. I can hope that I'm in the small number of men that experience no incontinence (and I'm working my butt off right now to try to ensure that) and the small number of men that experience no ED or only minor ED, but I cannot focus on that or I'm going to be ultra depressed if either of those scenarios turns out to be untrue - so I focus on a life in diapers with a dead fish in my trousers.
The catheter is only one aspect of my fears, but certainly it's more of just knowing I have to deal with something highly uncomfortable for a week, but then it comes out (which has never been a pleasant experience) and I start living this new life. My pants are firmly 100 feet behind me because I scared them off 😉.
There are some really great tips here and thank you all for them. I have two months more to prepare, I should go in 20lbs lighter with pelvic floor muscles that can squeeze carbon steel into micrometer measured wire! I'm even planning my food intake for the first couple of days to be lighter on solids just so I can adjust to things a bit before I bring having to spend time on a toilet into the picture - particularly given the delicate nature of the internal surgery that still has to heal in that area.
Replies to "To everyone else with suggestions, my heartfelt THANK YOU for your suggestions, they were very helpful...."
I am 71, and I had my surgery on September 16th. Starting last night I am no longer using anything for incontinence. I thought I was going to be in for the "long haul". A caveat however, I am not having radiation or ADT yet, so things may change.
Each of our journeys has a lot of commonalities yet every journey is unique. You can get an "average" view by reading all of the comments, but your journey will be unique to you. BE YOUR OWN BEST ADVOCATE! If there is information from your doctor you want, get it. If there are other opinions you want to get, get them. If you want a private opinion on this group, then reach out through the private message on here.
Get some stool softener as well. I used prune juice and it worked REALLY well. LOL. Another member on here also tried it and it worked great for him as well. Doesn't taste all that great but it definitely gets it moving.
Just a couple of suggestions. I had RP 3 years ago.
I second the notion of lubricating the catheter with gasoline where it enters the penis. Pull the penis back a little so the catheter is lubed where it goes in. Helps prevent irritation.
But book "Life after Prostatectomy; 10 weeks to continence" by Vanita Gagliani on Amazon. She is a very experienced pelvic floor PT and gives a very detailed instructions how you can become continent quickly. It's more than just kegels. I found it very helpful. She gives instructions to start pre op.
I found the Tena brand of pads the best. I agree with one poster about not buying too many until you see how you are progressing.
This is obvious but needs to be said. You will kinda get used to having the catheter in. unless you have the bag strapped to your thigh 24/7, be careful about getting up and walking without the bag. Ouch! It happened-once!
I think you have the right attitude and have made the right decision for you. My sentiments were the same. The catheter and its removal were better than I expected. I am in my fifth week post catheter and gradually improving. I still need pads and have been doing the exercises. It’s getting better and the improvements are not linear. I find the afternoon and evening are the worst. There is a random disconnect between brain and bladder. Good luck. I am still in the optimistic quadrant.
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"...I'm working my butt off right now..."
This is the right attitude. There are proven pathways to maximize your chances of good return of continence and erectile function. Committing to those rehab plans with the laser focus of a footballer to make the NFL as an undrafted walk-on will at a minimum help you avoid wallowing in worries about what your future life will be like. There is much advice in this forum on both these fronts.
There is no current set of standard guidelines for penile rehabilitation post nerve-sparing RALP. Personally, I found the following to be effective for turning my "dead fish" back into a firm and playful dolphin. Starting within two weeks of the surgery, daily PED-5 inhibitor (eg viagra @ 50-100mg), stimulation to orgasm 2x/week with a sex toy designed for a flaccid penis (eg Octopussy), use of a vacumn erectile device 5x/week for 2-3x 3-5 minutes (eg Vacurrect), and patient playful experimentation with my wife. At age 74, that got us back into our previous sex life within 7-8 months. I regarded it the same as re-habbing from a significant injury, like an Achilles tear, which can take up to a year.