I know just what you mean about not feeling like a wife anymore. My wife and I have gone through many phases and changes and challenges in our 60+ years together, and we always felt joined and committed as husband and wife, except for a short period of time many years ago when we were close to separation, Which was a very brief time but we reconciled. When Alzheimer's happened, it started a whole new ball game. We are legally still married but she is simply not the same person. Her personality has undergone all sorts of changes, and it's hard to define this as a marital union of togetherness as we navigate these new storms and events of life. I am certainly not abandoning her, but she has unintentionally abandoned me. You can call it self pity, but that's where I am.