I've been on Xanax since age 15 I'm 54 :( help

I was on some form of benzos from my mid 20s until 2018. I was 57. Under medical supervision- 3 doctors one who was neurologist I completed a successful withdrawal that took 7 months. I had a seizure risk at the time from a craniotomy done in 2014. I remained seizure and in the fall of 2018 had my first eeg showing no seizure risk. I have a breach rhythm now which is abnormal from the skull defect created by the craniotomy but is non epileptic. I still remember to this day the taper. Fear excitement. My cognition critical thinking skills improved. Psychiatry engaged in extreme over medication when the answers were behavior change dealing with our trauna hard Boundary setting. I am so sorry this happened to you. You will not die if you get help and begin a supervised taper.I am appalled someone told you this.

My family doctor of 24 years is semi retired, I think that next year he’ll probably stop working. I am obviously nervous about this because he’s the one who fills my prescription, he did assure me that he will have another doctor take over his practice however as much as this is a comfort to me living in Canada where doctors are very scarce, it won’t guarantee me that a new doctor will do the same thing for me. I’m trying not to get ahead of myself, I’ve been trying to get used to living life in the moment but the mind is often hard to control. Perhaps on a positive note the new doctor will be more experienced in helping me out with the benzodiazepine. I never realized that you were abandoned by your doctor, I had and still have nightmares about that, it’s so good to hear that you’re past this horrible experience and living your life without these meds, it really gives me hope to carry on trying.

Please stay ahead of the game and don’t get yourself in the position of being force tapered or fast tapered. Tapering goes more smoothly when we’re in control and not the doctor. I found a doctor( not easy) that let me be completely in control of the taper process. He prescribed, I determined when I was going to cut my dose and how much I was going to cut. I was never pressured and it worked out well. In retrospect I feel I could have tapered off faster. I don’t think I actually needed to drag it out for 5 years. I was only several months into my taper when the pandemic and lockdown came about and that definitely set me back. That was a stressful time for everyone and something we’d never experienced. Not a good time to taper a benzo that’s for sure! I also experienced the loss of my only sibling, my dog died, my son’s house burnt down, etc. It was a mess! I made it though!

You’re a survivor for sure and strong because you went through hell. I agree with what you’re saying and I sincerely hope to do exactly what you’re saying, I have gotten down several times to 0.5 per day, I was so proud. I then went into the pandemic and tried to stay strong but six months later I got a lung cancer diagnosis and it knocked me for a loop. I’m a two time survivor and in remission for two years now so once again I’m challenging myself to stop being afraid all the time and fight back. I don’t know how long God will let me live but I don’t want to give up on myself and I definitely don’t want pity from the doctor because that will only weaken my resolve. I’m glad we had a chance to connect, it really means a lot to me, take care, Frouke.

If you can survive two bouts of cancer you can survive anything. You are a very strong person!!! You’re going to do just fine wherever life leads you.

Thank you so much for your kind words, I try very hard to be strong and fight back where I can but it’s a roller coaster ride at the best of times. No one said it was going to be easy but I’m grateful that I still have my life and the love ones in it, amen.