Hi,
I really don't know why I haven't pulled the plug by now. Something keeps me searching for hope that some help will turn up. Until ANS starts with the word cancer little will be done. All my life I have been a fighter and don't give in easily, but I have to recognise there is no hope at all and sooner or later the plug will be pulled before I can no longer take care of it. I have always worked with my hands on delicate work and find it almost intolerable to be loosing my hand eye coordination. I can put up with most things and deal with physical pain hourly without meds, by choice, but not having the hand eye coordination really bothers me. I get to feel useless at times when I need the dexterity. At 73 and a lifetime of decisive decision making is now fading to indecisions and desperation, a place I don't want to be.
It is funny how keeping busy blocks the problems from the mind and masks the symptoms until I settle down for some rest, only to have the consequences of being busy grab the opportunity to kick me when I'm down. Then the pain surges through the hands and legs leaving me uncomfortable and unwilling to delve into my bottle of opioid based medication I keep tucked away for the really bad times.
I always thought rest and relaxation was a solution for the body to recover, not the opportunity for ANS and everything else going on to gang up on me and have a picnic at my expense!
Cheers