I have severe scoliosis. I had half a vertebrae in my L2, birth defect. Parents ignored me complaining of my back hurting thinking I was trying to get out of school .One day I couldn't straighten my back. Surgery in 1976 at 12 (after 6 years of crying to my parents) the bone fuses all my vertebrae in lumbar. As I grew the muscle pai worsen. People always telling me to sit straight even though my curve was 46 degrees. Now the deformed Vertebrae is crumbling and sic bulging and surgeons can't get in there because of the bone graphs. as I had 60 my pain became more constant and years of compensating my posture has cause a curve in my upper spine and compressed vertebrae in my neck causing nerve pain down my arm. now at 62 my pain is constant. I also have liver disease and hemochromatosis. The nerve pain down my hip and leg was so more pain than I could imagine someone enduring. It made sciatica look like a picnic. On 300 MG of Lyrica and had a spinal injection a week and a half ago. It did help the pain that was making me literally scream in the night. I had also started falling. Oh I severely broke my hip 30 years ago and the joint is arthritic and has bone spurs , same side my disc pain was on. I'm not screaming at night anymore and sometimes I don't have to use my cane but this muscle pain and neck pain and joint pain still exist and the pain down my leg still happens but not as severe. The injection helped some but I am so tired of being in pain. Suicide is thought about frequently. hourly, My therapist has me at high risk for offing myself and has me on valium and heavy dose of Wellbutrin, in the past SSRI didn't work. I don't know how much longer I can fight of these thoughts. my depression anxiety come from my dad beating me and then about 35 years ago
i walking in my 3 year daughters room t see my brother raping her. It has divided my family and I am the outcast for going public with my brother being a pedophile and now My family doesn't speak to me. Between my depression and chronic I am searching for even a small reason to live. I also can still have my brother prosecuted even 35 years later. If I do my family will really hate me but I need some closure before I die.