I wish that I could say grief was straightforward or linear. The stages of grief are very real, but they are more like Chutes and Ladders than a nice linear progression. My fiance died 2 1/2 years ago. I am living a relatively calm and happy life now, but the pain of losing him will always be there. Some days it hits like a ton of bricks, but mostly I just feel contentment to have had him in my life as long as I did.

The biggest takeaway I have for you is to be patient with yourself and your grief. We all grieve differently, we all grieve in different timeframes. Don't let anyone tell you that you aren't grieving appropriately, you are the only one who can decide that. I cannot stress therapy or support groups enough. There are very real trauma responses when we lose someone, and I had to have someone objective help me work through them.

If Christmas was an important holiday for the two of you, make this Christmas extra special. Surround yourself with the people in your life who, when they leave, they leave you feeling good about yourself. Go big, feel all the feelings, good and bad. It's ok to have them both.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Truly. I wish there was a formula for all of this.