why do i want friends but dont want to spend time with them.

I don’t know how you feel, but I think that socializing with others often brings out our vulnerability. We may be put on the spot about things we aren’t comfortable discussing. Sometimes, it might be sensitive issues about our health, our family members, our job, income, politics, etc. It can be intimidating. Some friends can ask a lot of personal questions too. Or, maybe you have anxiety associated with going out in public. Would you prefer to entertain them in your home? Getting evaluated for depression might be a good idea too, I hope you can figure it out so you can enjoy time with others. It can be very rewarding.

I agree that you are depressed and lonely. You are slowly checking out. If this assessment horrifies you, do something about it. Only you can self-monitor and decide if you'd like assistance to figure things out, but based on what you're revealing about yourself, you are getting despondent and becoming incapacitated emotionally.

Nobody is going to bang on your door today and ask if you're okay. But they may invite you in if YOU BANG ON THEIR DOOR.

@gracegrey2021
In our societies of first world countries, we often think of ‘mental health issues’ as something that concerns our ‘young people’, who are struggling to find their place in a confusing world.
Well. … not true .. it is our Seniors who face more challenges with our mental health!
There are many factors; but loneliness, isolation due to poor health , family moving away , nutrition, the list goes on.
You, gracegrey, have made the first most excellent step; you have identified an important clue: You have labelled an issue that doesn’t quite make sense- wanting contact , but not quite able to pull it off.
You are so wise to see this puzzling action: the first step in addressing the problem.
Next step… Get the right person to assist you…. Please make an appointment with the doctor / professional of your choice.
Some clinics have the ‘talk to person’: social worker, counsellor or therapist. And ‘hot lines’ are available throughout the country.
(The North American mental health and crisis hotline number is 988. They can direct your call.)
Make yourself a promise: to grab a hold of this issue and get it sorted.
Try talking to someone just ONCE And then go from there.
It is amazing how a question shakes itself out just by talking it over with another person.
These folks will be glad to lend a listening ear.. Tell them what you have said to us.
Would you please make a call today? And let us know how you got on.
In the meantime, we are here to listen, encourage and help each other.
Take best care of yourself!
Talk soon!

I think you ask a very good question, and raise an important issue.

As others have mentioned, this sounds like a symptom of depression.

Let me ask you something. How would you feel if someone came to you, picked you up, and took you to your favorite restaurant?

When you say you feel that you have nothing to offer, what exactly do you mean? What do others offer that you feel you don't?

I ask because I often feel the way you do. I want to get out more, but there's often too many "reasons" (excuses) not to go -- too hot, too cold, too wet, I'm too tired, people give me funny looks because of my disability, etc.

I feel exactly like you do. Can’t wait to see how this can be explained.
We’ve been calling it social anxiety for years

Wow! That was tough. Tough love?

Yeah, I'm perhaps getting jaded in me olde age. I have a wife and three daughters, each of whom battles with emotional issues, some from their pasts, some from their presents. As a social scientist, I understand how important utile feedback and information can be in making oneself do something...for oneself. People clucking and expressing sympathy, even giving what might pass for encouragement or advice, too often misses the mark in my experience. Some people need a stark assessment of their circumstances, but as told by others because they take so many cues for guidance from others. (See J. Rotter, 1996)

It's not that I am unsympathetic about how life impacts people. I feel that if someone can take the time to type out an initial post that describes themselves and their circumstances accurately, and honestly, then they have the presence of mind and perspective to understand that they have to want a remedy badly enough to avail THEMSELVES of it.

True story, as told to me by my well-aged engineer father: Living as a young lad in northern Ontario, Canada, surrounded by literally scores of gold mines and the people who worked in them, his parents finally decided to have a large wall telephone, the crank and cradle kind with the bell-shaped earpiece, installed in their home. This would have been maybe 1942 or so when my dad would have been about 12. Soon enough, my dad asked his father if he could call a friend. My grandpa said sure, and my dad made an initial attempt to take up the instrument and to place a call. He knew how to do it from watching his parents, but this was his first call by himself. He eventually turned and asked his dad to perform the function to enable a call because he was afraid. My grandpa, without looking up from his paper, replied, 'Son, when you want to place that call badly enough, you'll place it yourself.'

Hi Grace,
I'm sorry that you are having these concerns. I understand something of what you feel. I am 78 and my husband died recently. I, too am lonely but apprehensive about visiting people when invited. I do find reasons why I can't visit. I'm suffering from incontinence so that makes a good excuse. I've been invited for Thanksgiving and have said no. However, this person who invited me has given me flowers when she heard my husband died and also tea from Japan on her vacation. Plus the other day she was grocery shopping and brought me two oranges! I don't feel that I can refuse her invitation without offending her. So, I am going to accept even though I feel a little nervous about it. Perhaps that is what we have to do. I will just pray about it and it will turn out fine.

You mentioned that you feel like you have nothing to offer because you are old. But you have a lot to offer because you lived in a time that many people didn't. They don't know what life was like in the days that you lived and you can share that with them; much better than a history book! I had a friend who lived in New York City in the early 1900's when horses were the common method of transportation and cars were rare; at least for the average working person. She was a wealth of information about those days! I learned so much from her!
I wish you the best! I will say a prayer for you.
PML

Grace, maybe you and your friends would enjoy some good, comfortable conversations on the phone?

I have some of the same problems. What I have figured out is that since we are alone so much, we get rusty and have a fear of being with people because we don't know how to get on. At least this is how it is with me. But a little thing has helped me. When I am grocery shopping and there is an item up high (I am short) I make a point of putting a big smile on my face and asking for help. And they do. Then I say thank you. Even such little things help to reach out.