I agree that you are depressed and lonely. You are slowly checking out. If this assessment horrifies you, do something about it. Only you can self-monitor and decide if you'd like assistance to figure things out, but based on what you're revealing about yourself, you are getting despondent and becoming incapacitated emotionally.

Nobody is going to bang on your door today and ask if you're okay. But they may invite you in if YOU BANG ON THEIR DOOR.