I dissected at midnight on Friday/Saturday. It sounds simple. Like "I watched some TV." But it was anything but simple. Searing pain like being run through with a flaming sword. I cannot forget how instense that pain was.
After my valiant wife getting me to the ED they measured the aneurysm in the ascending aorta. It was 5.8cm. They were getting a surgeon up to the hospital, and I met the two of them, right before surgery. A CT scan then measured the aneurysm at 6.5cm. Another hour and I'd likely be ghost writing this message (pun intended).
Then I was whisked off to Neverland.
I think it was due to my total absence of any contributing issues, that I was in ICU for only five days, and I would have been out of the hospital in a week if it wasn't for liver issues and AFib.
So I don't know how long I was "unlived" - how long I was on the table without a heart beat. I guess I had the same like everyone else, but I never talked about it with my surgeon. I haven't actually seen him since before the operation and I don't even remember meeting him. But I have since met the assisting hospital Senior Registrar who when I asked "how bad was it", she replied "we had considerable concern". Which by the look in her eye (and in that exact moment you know) is doctor-talk for "we didn't think you were going to make it." I knew she was right. Everyone says that. I shouldn't be here. I won the lottery. Etc.
So now I have a super-power...
It is weird having a new perspective - not just "phew that was lucky, I am going to be a good boy from now on". No.
It's like I don't really care about my own life. Doesn't mean I am superman and I can do no wrong. But...
It's like, if that is the worst the universe can do to me then pffft! bring on everything you got, because clearly I am not going anywhere.
I have armor, and a shield, and a wicked scar that is more a badge of courage than a sad reminder, and you tried your best with your flaming sword, but next time around I know what is going to happen and I will be ready.
Yes I have the descending dissection and the rest of it, and it is reaching up now into my neck and down into my leg and across into my kidney. And because of the descending dissection I am on five meds for it.
But all these don't matter when I am still standing and the universe tried its best.
That's it?!
Come at me, universe! I am ready and laughing at you.