Welcome to Connect, Crystal. Good for you for being proactive, getting a good recommendation and making the doctor's appointment. March is a ways off, so I'm glad you reached out to this community for support in the meantime.
Along with Amber and Kim, I'd like you to meet a few other members, like @cathy615 @lesbatts @artstapleton @berit who have spoken about bipolar here on Connect. You may also wish to read through and comment on this discussion:
- What to do for socially phobic depression and anxiety & bipolar http://mayocl.in/2dN8mMk
- Depression and anxiety: Exercise eases symptoms http://mayocl.in/2dcJB7p

Not wanting to go to the gym and struggling with weight gain is a difficult combination to wrangle with. Crystal, are you able to encourage yourself go to the gym even if you don't want to go? The after effects can be so beneficial.

Welcome Crystal .... you've come to the right place, hon. You're totally safe here and among like-minded friends. I was very much like you. I had been depressed probably since early teen (whole family alcoholic/only child/ beatings/locked in closets, etc.), but of course when you're that age, it's just a phase or something that will pass. It didn't. I had terrible PPDepression after my 1st child, again "it'll pass" ... which it didn't ... just got worse. About 25 years ago, I "hit the wall" emotionally, but of course I didn't tell anyone because I "knew" they'd "put me away." Finally I went to my PCP and she wisely sent me to a Psychiatrist, telling me she didn't deal with psychotropic meds. A PSYCHIATRIST ..... OMG ... THEY ARE ALL WEIRD ... so I thought. Well, I went, he was not weird at all .... in fact very kind and really "heard" me. That was my beginning. I've since moved, but I still drive, every other week back to see my therapist, and my Psychiatrist about every 2 months for a med. check. It became obvious it was Bipolar II, a somewhat milder version of Bipolar I. The Bipolar I have is very heavy on the depression side while the "manic" side is merely other folk's "happy." Like you I was afraid of "head meds." When my Psychiatrist first Rx-d me Zoloft .... I thought "oh no .... not those kinds of meds." I knew they'd make me "nuts." (very irrational thinking). Well, that was pre-computer time for me, so I immediately went to the Library, read all about it, went home, and I took only 1/2 of the tablet. I laid down (in case I'd die from it!!!!) and slept for 3 hours ..... the first real sleep I'd had in many years. And so it goes .... now it's 25 years later, I've had a lot of stuff in my life, divorce, a major move which I didn't want, and all the other typical stuff we go through ... there's been a lot of ups and downs, with the downs being the deepest. I take 4 meds., and Crystal I must tell you that as scared as I was of these meds., they have saved my life, along with my Psychiatrist and Therapist. It's sort of like a triangle .... they are all working to help me. I was afraid of side effects too, and yes, I did gain a bit (not a whole pile) of weight, but my question to me was "would I rather be thin and be depressed, or would I rather have a few x-tra pounds and feel better." It was obvious to me what was the answer. Psychiatrists usually start you out very slowly on any of these meds. Mine had me call him every other day, and I went back in 10 days. Then he slowly bumped it up until it seemed to be working. But, I really think, if not all, then most of them move very slowly in adding med., and move it up very gradually. March would feel a long way away for me .... did you tell them that you really need to get in before that? They surely have a waiting list - as folks often cancel and then there's an opening. Take care of yourself Crystal ..... remember you're the only one who can and you totally, 100% deserve to feel better and be happier. Bless you,
Abby

No i just dont have the drive, push, potivation or will to go. I wouls really love to go, bc I know how good i use to feel in the pass. I just gave up on it