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You are right - we do choose much of our future and destiny. But right now I am stuck. I have never had a problem with addiction. I have never smoked, drunk alcohol to excess or taken drugs. In fact I shy away from taking drugs, illicit or legal, because I have queer reactions to them. I was given lisinopril for high blood pressure and had an anaphalactic shock from it. I almost died but my husband got me to the ER in time. When I had my hip replacement I had an extremely bad reaction to the anesthetic and was told by others that I was out of my head for a week. Right now I am dealing with a beloved cousin having a stroke. Thank goodness it was mild and she is recovering nicely. But nobody is close. I have no support system except myself. And I am not a wonderful support system. I beat myself up and go negative, even while I know this is wrong. But I still get up each morning and have to figure out how to get through each day.
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PLEASE never be at yourself up. We are our worst enemies. I tried reconnecting with old friends, there was no answer to anyone. And I try not to yell at myself 4 not reconnecting sooner. But I was not in the place that I am now. Even if u have one person in life. Stick to him or her and nurture this friendship. I reconnected to my ex a couple of yrs ago when she was dying. Except I didn't know that. She died less than 3 months later. She's just about the only one that I can lean on. Contact anyone that u consider a friend. U and both don't have much support system. My family is all dead. I have a cousin in Philly. I haven't seen her for probably 40 yrs. She's blind now and doesn't drive. I want to go see her. Let me know if u want to talk. My name is diane. I'm 70 yrs old. Take good care of yourself, please. See this beloved cousin. Visit her and enjoy her company before she dies. Altho that may not b in the near future, you DO have someone. Stick 2 her like glue!!!!