Anniversary of burial

Sounds like your husband was a fun fellow. I am sure you miss him and his shenanigans. I bet you had a lot of good times together. Are you seeing any friends on a regular basis? Sometimes we need other people around us to lift us out of our misery. It is good you are here and can express your frustration. You may benefit from getting some professional counseling or joining a group to help you deal with your grief. That could help you meet some people who have gone through the same thing and found ways to cope. Sending you positive thoughts and hope for better days.

Yes, we did have a lot of fun times together. When our sons were little, we had a tent trailer and travelled all over the U.S. and Canada with it. When they grew older they no longer wanted to do this. So my husband and I started cruising. We have been all over the world as we took a cruise a year. I am not a very social person. This is due to child abuse. In fact I have been diagnosed as having PTSD due to child abuse. I have two friends and we try to get together for lunch once a month. That's about it. And, again yes, I did have grief counselling. I had/have a wonderful therapist and we really clicked. However her aged father is not doing well and she and her family had to put him in a hospice facility. I am reluctant to get in touch with her right now. I have no plans to join any groups because I do not do well in that sort of setting. But I thank you for your thoughts.

The adventures you had sound wonderful. Sounds like your adult life was healing given your growing up circumstances. Although boys are less communicative than girls, they can be sweet and comforting at times. Hopefully you have good contact even by phone, with your sons. ( I have three grown sons). Perhaps you could suggest outings to local places as well as lunch with your friends when you get together. Maybe local art or music venues. Just something you share and look forward to each couple of weeks or so. Hopefully, your counselor will get back to her schedule once her family situation has stabilized so you can continue to see her. If not, maybe she could recommend someone else. I am glad you have reached out to the community here. There is definitely a peace when you can talk even if not in person. Wishing you peace and comfort with each new day.

Thank you for reaching out to me. At this time I am in contact with only one son. We skype once a week. At this time having lunch every now and then is all we can hope for. It is rural here and not many cultural events. But even as we try to struggle on we get bad/sad news. A cousin of mine just had a stroke. I am informed that she is doing as well as can be expected but she is a bit older than I am and it has struck me very hard. I am losing everyone. I am hoping that in a week or two I will send my therapist an email and see what happens.

I also live in a rural area but I have a friend here and we plan day trips to nearby cities to get a little culture. It gives us both something to look forward to. Still, it is good to have a lunch buddy.
I do hope you can rekindle your relationships with your other sons. Ours are not always good about calling but we do keep in touch.
I am sorry to hear about your cousin. It does seem that we lose people close to us as we age and our bodies give in to the frailties of aging. My strategy is to appreciate each day and each person in my life. I listen to lots of music and try to stay positive and as healthy as possible. I spend as much time speaking to and being with others as I can even though it is not always a lot of time. And …I am working on being comfortable in my own skin if you know what I mean.
I do hope that you can reconnect with your therapist in the near future. Thinking of you and wishing you peace of mind.

Thank you for your good wishes. I think reconciliation with my younger son is now impossible because his wife does not want me in their life. I had hoped that he would put up a little fight because after all I am his mother, but he does not seem willing to do this. It still hurts, but I have reconciled myself that this is the way it is. On a happy note, my cousin is recovering nicely. This is her second stroke. The cat scans show no further damage since the first one and she should be discharged from the hospital soon. On the downside I am sorry to say that I trend negative. I am aware of this but can't seem to do anything about it - yet. Happy to say that I am healthy even at my great age. I am still amazed at how I got this old. It kind of snuck up on me. But I show no signs of dementia or any debilitating diseases. I really hate it when people say Are you still driving? Why shouldn't I be? I can drive without glasses and am at ease even on the busy freeways. I concentrate on what is happening around me and I am fine. I am giving serious consideration to contacting my therapist again. She will let me know if she is too busy with her father. I know I could use help because I feel like I am in quicksand and just stuck here.

Life CAN be good. It's in little moments.....when I look up and see a flock of Canada geese flying. Or visits with friends. I had such a good dream the other nite that I woke myself up with my laughter. My therapist and I both painted during my session last wk. It was very comforting to paint again.....soothing you know. I lost my partner of 22 yrs two yrs ago and my former therapist of 18 yrs in March. My 2 best validating and significant people in my life. Yes, I still cry as I'm doing now writing this. Find ways to take care of yourself, physically, emotionally or spiritually. Whatever works. Alcohol and illicit drugs may work in the moment but in the end the worst still comes back. You have to work THRU it not AROUND it. I've been sober almost 30 yrs now without one relapse. Thru my animals dying, my partner then therapist dying. I have to admit, I DID start smoking cigarettes again about 5 wks ago. I guess that's a slower death than with alcoholism but I'll quit. I have quit so many times. Once for 10 yrs and that's when my partner was still smoking.
I don't think anyone is really happy. But there are moments. Remember all the beautiful memories that u and your husband shared. Your Higher Power gave u those memories. Build new memories with your loved ones...your 🧡 friends. We can choose our friends!!! Try to make it a good day today, we choose much of our future and destiny!

You are right - we do choose much of our future and destiny. But right now I am stuck. I have never had a problem with addiction. I have never smoked, drunk alcohol to excess or taken drugs. In fact I shy away from taking drugs, illicit or legal, because I have queer reactions to them. I was given lisinopril for high blood pressure and had an anaphalactic shock from it. I almost died but my husband got me to the ER in time. When I had my hip replacement I had an extremely bad reaction to the anesthetic and was told by others that I was out of my head for a week. Right now I am dealing with a beloved cousin having a stroke. Thank goodness it was mild and she is recovering nicely. But nobody is close. I have no support system except myself. And I am not a wonderful support system. I beat myself up and go negative, even while I know this is wrong. But I still get up each morning and have to figure out how to get through each day.

PLEASE never be at yourself up. We are our worst enemies. I tried reconnecting with old friends, there was no answer to anyone. And I try not to yell at myself 4 not reconnecting sooner. But I was not in the place that I am now. Even if u have one person in life. Stick to him or her and nurture this friendship. I reconnected to my ex a couple of yrs ago when she was dying. Except I didn't know that. She died less than 3 months later. She's just about the only one that I can lean on. Contact anyone that u consider a friend. U and both don't have much support system. My family is all dead. I have a cousin in Philly. I haven't seen her for probably 40 yrs. She's blind now and doesn't drive. I want to go see her. Let me know if u want to talk. My name is diane. I'm 70 yrs old. Take good care of yourself, please. See this beloved cousin. Visit her and enjoy her company before she dies. Altho that may not b in the near future, you DO have someone. Stick 2 her like glue!!!!

You are only 70? You have 20 more years to go to be my age. I turned 90 years old in September. But I am fine. I don't have dementia. I cook, I do my laundry, I go to the store, bank, library, etc. I can drive and thank goodness because I have to drive 26 miles to get to my doctor. He wants to see me every 3-4 months. It is kind of ridiculous. There is nothing wrong with me. He looks at the computer. I am there for 10 minutes and I have to remind him to at least listen to my heart. But I was with my husband for 62 years. I really miss him so much. I feel I have lived long enough and I am just tired of it. Please do not read into this that I am suicidal because I am not. I promised my older son I would never do that and I never will. But when you get to the 90's there is just not much time left. My joke is that I don't buy green bananas. My cousin lives in the city where I grew up which is far from here. I believe I mentioned that because of my mother I left home. I just cannot get on a plane and fly there. I cannot afford to stay in a hotel for any length of time. I have enough to live comfortably if I am careful. And that's okay. Sometime in the next week or so I think I will send an email to my therapist and let her know I can use some help. If she is busy with her father she will let me know. In the meantime I have enjoyed exchanging messages with you. I hope you will take care of yourself so you can get to be as old as I am.