Emotional health after cancer: How are you doing really?

I’m newly diagnosed so it hasn’t really set in yet. It’s been 2 days and I am a wreck . Don’t know what to expect yet. But I feel you. A hug and maybe a comforting word or two from the caregiver would mean more than anything. Thank you for sharing your thoughts . And good luck to you. I love you!

My prostate cancer treatment involved lowering my testosterone to zero which, by itself, can cause depression. Add that to a cancer diagnosis and no longer being a man (no sexual function, no libido, body hair all gone, muscles gone, etc.) and I was spending hours a day crying and often thought ending my own life would be preferable to the effects of treatment. My treatment ends today with my last dose of Orgovyx but it will be anywhere between 3-18 months before my testosterone returns, if it returns.

When I reached the point where I was actively planning my death to look like an accident (so the people I love wouldn't have to deal with the grief suicide causes) I decided to at least try to get help. I joined a support group, found a prostate cancer mentor, began seeing a psychologist and started taking an antidepressant (Wellbutrin) that would not interfere with sexual recovery after treatment. I also, of course, poured everything out on this message board and received a ton of responses that made me realize I'm not unique in this awful journey no one wants to go on.

So far, it's greatly helped. I'm nowhere near the happy roll-with-the-punches guy I used to be but I also no longer stay curled up in bed for hours crying. The psychologist has helped me see that most of my life is still the same as it always was: I have a job I like, people who love me, lots of exercise, a good diet, hobbies and volunteer work. Sex isn't great and that was a HUGE part of my life so I'm still grieving that and hoping against hope that my sexuality will return to being great instead of just adequate like it is now, but everything with prostate cancer is slowwwwww, including recovery from treatment so I'd say overall I've bottomed out and am now swimming back to the surface.

I certainly wish you the best on your new journey. For me, almost 20 months, my stage 4 prostate cancer has me on forever meds. Although at times is so hard, just take one day at a time. I remember getting the "news" and that is not easy to go through. Take to heart when you are having a good day so if and when a not so good day comes along, you remind yourself that good days do happen. Not sure if I want to answer the original question as to how I am really doing. I guess by telling myself that it's a mix of good and not so good days, I'm answering the question. Rambling a little here but I do wish you all the best.

Absent visitors

Not even ask how are you doing, thats great. Sometimes happen distant family members are afraid of medical centers ambiance and prefer not to be incumbents of your well bring. So asking "how are you doing" magical question is too much when other people hopefully are living their non-concern about health issues lifes.

My last post on this topic was back in August. I was in the thick of Androgen Deprivation Therapy (chemical castration) for prostate cancer and it felt as if someone had reached into my body and pulled out my soul and I was just watching this other person who was me, but not me, walking around. The other me cried A LOT and got angry A LOT.

The medical establishment basically said "yeah, those are side effects" so I decided, on my own, to reach out to a psychotherapist and have been working with them for about four months now and things are much better. I began taking a mild antidepressant which stabilized the crazy mood swings caused by the lack of testosterone (and estrogen).

My treatment ended October 31 and I am going for my first post-treatment testosterone test next week. It's too soon to tell how much T, if any, came back. That said, however, I know *something* good is starting to happen because the brain fog is beginning to lift and my insomnia is getting better.

In December I will get my first post-ADT PSA test which will be an early indicator of whether the treatment worked or not, with tests every three months for two years. I have a lot of anxiety about this because if the treatment doesn't work I will have to choose between ADT for life or accepting a shorter life and, remembering how bad my QOL was, I'm not sure which one I would choose.

The hardest part right now is not knowing whether an ache or pain is just an ache or pain, or is it a side effect of treatment, or is it cancer coming back again? In the BC (before cancer) times, an ache or pain would just be an ache or pain.

All of that said, the past week has been really good. I've been exercising outdoors a lot, seeing friends I didn't have the energy to see during treatment, etc.

@scottbeameup: Cancer is the pits! I feel your discomfort in being forced into life-altering health decisions! Just remind yourself that you have made the best decision and will continue to keep updated on treatments available… just in case of tumor progression. Knowledge will give you confidence.
You are the same nice person you have always been and cancer doesn’t change that! The future is unknown for everyone, but we have constant reminders of our mortality due to our diagnosis. Hang in there - we can be our best each day! I just passed my 3 yr mark and about to finish a series of infusions hoping to add yrs of good quality life. Best to you…

Azkidney57. Your comments struck more than one chord with me. I believe I understand most of what you said. I've been something of an emotional wreck for over a year, and it wasn't until this week, when I had a phone call from a wonderful Doctor, that I have begun to feel better. I'm 83, and really thought that nothing could get me down. Cancer, two distinct types, did. My wonderful, understanding, and empathetic wife gets me. The professionals I see ask about my physical health; "On a scale of one to ten, what is your pain like"? Not a thought regarding emotional health. Well, I determined that I can handle it, and as long as my wife has my interests at heart, perhaps that is all I need. I'm the only one responsible for how I feel. Though it would be nice, every now and then, if someone really cared about how people that have life changing diagnoses really think and really feel, and thought to ask us.
I hope you stay strong and know that here are, indeed, people that care about your emotional well being. I do.

I relate to all you are saying. It is good to know someone else is going through the same as me. I have tongue cancer. Have feeding tube, am talking better. Hope to be able to eventually vho back to eating normally. I will be 76 Dec 15th. Feel pretty good. But I get very depressed. I live with my son and have before I developed cancer. I have a daughter who helps aldi. I feel like a burden to them both. I worry too much about everything and everyone else. I always care more for others. I have to put myself first and take care of me. But that is hard to do. What is to become of my life? How can I be happy. I am thankful that I am still alive. But what can I contribute to others. It's hard for my friends to understand how I feel to be with them when it's hard to talk and I can't eat with them. Help me to understand and make them understand. It sounds like I will never be healthy enough.

It breaks my heart to hear how you are suffering.

What you are doing here, responding to others is huge. It will make a difference for others facing the same challenges.

I thought my life was over with stage 4 lung cancer. I share my story regularly. People I know sent newly diagnosed friends to me who heard my story and decided to go ahead with treatment. They've seen graduations, weddings, grandchildren, or great grandchildren born.

It's not too late to start something you always wanted to try but put off because you cared for others. I took up jewelry making. You might paint or make pottery.