"Sometimes good and happy times get stirred into the mix." ...... I just started reading "Loving Someone Who Has Dementia: How to Find Hope While Coping with Stress and Grief" by Pauline Boss. I've been flying through it seeking answers and comfort to my grief, fears and feelings of loss. I know I will need to go back and more slowly digest the ideas she is presenting but something that truly resonates with me is ambiguous loss -- "the duality of your loved one's being absent and present at the same time is confusing and finding meaning becomes immensely challenging." (p1) .... ambiguous loss offers no possibility of closure and with dementia it is continually changing. As first a wife and second a care giver, I am being asked to accept ambiguity in our relationship as the new (ever changing) normal -- stressful, absolutely.... along with all of the other emotions that come when something is outside of my control and I am having to make decisions that impact both of us forever... but simply having someone recognize and label "ambiguous loss" is helping me to feel less alone in this bizarre world we have entered.

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