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Newly Diagnosed: Removal vs Radiation
Prostate Cancer | Last Active: 4 days ago | Replies (62)Comment receiving replies
Thank you for your responses. @bdc1677 and @retireditguy your recommendation for a center of excellence is a great one and I will absolutely explore that. I'm encouraged that a man near my age has not had as many complications as I'm very worried about this. I'm really losing my mind on this, between a possible forever reduction in my quality of life as well as a burden to my wife is so much for me to think about, and I finally broke and fell apart tonight - I am lucky that my wife is traveling for work because, well I'm lucky she wasn't here.
Having survived cancer before I don't fear the cancer nor the surgery, I fear the life afterwards. Losing my kidney forced some changes in my life, but none reduced my quality of life at all. This reduces the quality of life. Perhaps I can escape the ED or incontinence but it seems to be asking a lot to dodge two bullets at the same time, add to that the dry and/or painful orgasms and I don't know, I feel like I'm losing an awful lot that makes me a man.
After tonight I am going to try to see a psychologist that specializes in cancer patients, perhaps to help me find where I can accept this, I seem to be struggling. Of course this is day 1 (or day 31 if the original biopsy results count). In one day I went from active surveillance to treatment and it's a lot.
Did you guys go through these kinds of emotions? I assume much of it is fairly normal to feel, this reaction is far worse than the first time and I would think it's easier, but again the quality of life and burden issues were not a factor before.
UPDATE AFTER POSTING
Apparently there is a very good center of excellence cancer center right in my city. Has anyone had success with University of Colorado Anschutz? It also happens to be where my Urologist is, so perhaps this is a good sign that I'm getting the best advice one can get? Of course I need to speak to a couple oncologists now, this is firmly in their realm of expertise.
Replies to "Thank you for your responses. @bdc1677 and @retireditguy your recommendation for a center of excellence is..."
I'm glad I could be of help. I was in the same mental state as you... pretty freaked out. 50's is too young to go through this (60's too). I had to be logical and let the facts determine what I needed to do. Then I sort of turned off the "what if" noise. Otherwise, I think you could drive yourself nuts. Make a decision based on the best information you can get. Do your research. Then don't look back.
Yeah, I know that lost and depressed feeling all too well. You're definitely not alone in that. I still get pretty down sometimes (especially if i wake up in the middle of the night) and I definitely overthink things on a regular basis. But overall my mental state has gotten better over time. I think it's great you're getting some help; you're smarter than me. Whichever treatment you end up selecting, you should be sure to ask your prospective provider about your odds for incontinence and ED. When I asked the surgeon about me specifically, for my case, he said I had a 90% chance of being continent at 1 year and 70% of having erections at 1 year (assuming I had them before). Those numbers were way better than I was expecting, and for some reason hearing my surgeon say them really helped me settle down. Now those were his numbers, but I believe most providers at a recognized cancer center of excellence should know their numbers and have some idea what you can expect. It's great that you have access to a recognized cancer center of excellence. Also, depending on what you hear, don't hesitate to get a 2nd opinion from another cancer center of excellence. These days many of them will do a remote 2nd opinion just looking at your test results. I didn't, but frankly I felt pretty good after I met my surgeon. If I hadn't, I hope I would have gotten another opinion or two before selecting the treatment and getting it done. Best wishes.
My experience with the emotions, mind racing off, etc., are similar to yours. IMO, if you don’t feel these things you really aren’t paying attention. Don’t worry about that but I applaud your reaching out for counseling - never a bad thing.
I was 66 when I had my prostatectomy last Sept. I followed all the docs and surgeon’s recs. I read Patrick Walsh’s and Vanita Gaglani’s books (hers is on “life after prostatectomy”). Both were very helpful to me.
My suggestion is to feel the emotions then move on to your decision making. Once you make your decision about radiation vs surgery, go all in. Don’t look back. Pros and cons to each and nothing is absolute - your results may vary - and all that. My friend here, Michael, advised me when I expressed doubts to go all in with positive thinking and not to look back. Best advice and just what I needed to hear.
One year later, I’m continent with the occasional bout of “stress incontinence” - no bid deal my wife advises 😁. ED was slow (for my preferences) but no biggie. Dry orgasms are the new thing and I sure don’t mind. Having the belief (prayer) that I got the cancer out is worth it to me anyway.
Best of luck to you - whatever you decide is best for you. Keep coming back here for there are amazing souls reading your posts.
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I went through all the emotions you're describing and I had a mini-"nervous breakdown" where I was crying and screaming and thought about ending my own life. You're not alone in this. Whether you choose surgery or radiation it's life changing.
I found a prostate cancer mentor through Zero (a prostate cancer info and support site) and he has talked me off the ledge multiple times both before and after treatment. I also see a psychologist weekly and started taking Wellbutrin, an antidepressant that doesn't have sexual side effects so it shouldn't interfere with my sexual recovery when ADT ends. This web site is also the best online support I've found.
I still have times I'm really down and have crying jags. Some of them are from being on ADT but others are just from having cancer. It's good to just let it all out and cry when you have to--you will feel much better than keeping your feelings bottled up.
Most side effects can be treated to some extent and not everyone gets every side effect. It is a tough road, but it sounds like you do have some support already and there is plenty of other support out there.
As someone who always wanted to be in control of things, it was hard to let go and accept the support of others when I was usually the one providing support but, once I did, things began to feel better. Don't go it alone.