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Dealing with adult son with mental health: Parents want to share?
Mental Health | Last Active: 6 hours ago | Replies (47)Comment receiving replies
Well, I can certainly relate to a lot of what you wrote, ead. My son is 40 and there is so much going on with him but I certainly understand it when you say - your son is always right. My son is the same way. If I do gently criticize him or have a different outlook on an issue - he is like a time bomb and will always throw my words right back to me.......when we had our blow up I said "I am tired of walking on eggshells with you!" His reply??
No surprise.
He threw the same words back to me and reversed it. This is his MO now. Never like this before but if you been reading my posts you know the seriousness of his situation and my heartbreak. When he was here for 12 days last year for the holidays, I was actually physically sick because of him. I could barely eat. I had to go along with his behaviors which bordered on rudeness and disrespect. My husband (his step-father) kept telling me to "keep the peace" as he didn't want my son and I in an all out war because I am not well and my husband was trying to protect me from stress. Which I had anyway. And there certainly could have been a war, I was so fed up with him. I, too, felt he was leaving to go back to home and wanted him to leave on a "good note"...so I let things go. But how I suffered! Ironically my son says I am "dramatic" and also passive-aggressive...during our blow up he actually said I was "abusive"...I was beyond shocked! But the fact is I am dealing what apparently seems to be a serious mental health issue with him. So my problem is different than yours but there are similar characteristics in both of our sons. Especially their feeling that "they are always right"....I could go on.
I don't have an answer for you. But it is certainly not fair or right for our adult sons to make us upset especially now we are "seniors"...dealing with health issues and aging, etc. But we both know life is anything but fair.
Take care of YOURSELF. You must. And the heck with his "why don't you do this, why don't you do that" baloney.
Gently stand your ground with him and hopefully he will understand you and your husband. And accept both of you just as you are at this point in your life. You are not alone by any means!
Replies to "Well, I can certainly relate to a lot of what you wrote, ead. My son is..."
Thank you! I get what you are saying. It is hard to put ourselves first over our children. I just said to my husband yesterday that I cannot deal with the stress anymore. I'm working on peace for myself. And I do intend to find a way to have it! Actually most of the time I do, but the son story seems to be like those many season shows on Netflix with many episodes. Thank you again. Be well.
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@briarrose and @ead, As with my son, he also argues EVERYTHING I say. If everything points to something being the color black, he will somehow argue it is white. I feel like it may be due to him not feeling like he has a lot of control in his life, that the universe is against him, and that's 'just the way it is" and has "excepted it." (Whoa is me). This has shaped his personality, lacking the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others. If he is feeling crumby than others should too. As with Narcissism, behind the mask of extreme confidence, they are not sure of their self-worth and are easily upset by the slightest criticism. I have started to ask "what" questions. Example: What has you wanting to belittle me? What has you wanting to hurt my feelings? What is it about that, that has you raising your voice?
Or perhaps turn the tables: "Not having the fan work over the stove (or whatever isn't working) must really bother you, for you to have to mention it. Feel free to head to the store and buy what you need to fix it. Your dad and I really appreciate you noticing and your willingness to help." Just a thought.