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People Come Into Our Lives to Teach Us How to Let Go
I turned 63 on 10/9, and while I had a wonderful birthday, I received a very strange card this week from a woman I went to college with and who have remained steadfast friends with.....until I became diagnosed with PID. The card was a photo of a beer label attached to cardboard, and there was no salutation or "happy birthday, which left me feeling a bit bruised, given the nature of our friendship. I have known for some time that my friend, Jane, was uncomfortable about my diagnosis, which is why I chose not to discuss any details with her. She has always been a bit aloof, and I accepted this as part of her personality, but this card really did a number on me. I messaged her thanking her for the card and mentioned not seeing any birthday greeting. No response, so today I made the decision to send her a letter letting her know I understood her reasons, and that I was essentially letting go of our friendship, if that is indeed the message she was trying to send to me. Look, I have embraced this incurable disease, I feel more confident in myself than ever before. I get it that some might be afraid of seeing those close to them suffer, and perhaps she is projecting her own fears about live and it's brevity/uncertainty onto me. I felt it was best to send the letter as opposed to giving her the silent treatment. Now I want to have a big bonfire and burn all of her letters that I have saved over the past 40 years, as it seems fitting. I sure don't want my sister to have to deal with these when I am gone. Any suggestions would be very much appreciated. Thank you so much.
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my own dr says i ask for too much. she slammed the examination room door on me. when things calmed down i got what i needed i had to push her as she said she was only addressing my foot which has had a sore on it for three months and two rounds of antibiotics. i am referred to a podiatrist. i am diabetic and worried about amputations as my uncle had both legs cut off before he died. life sure can throw you some curve balls. friends are hard to come by and harder to lose. i don't have any contact with childhood friends they are all ghosting me. they weren't very good friends after all. so no loss. it is interesting when i find someone to befriend.
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2 Reactionsin reply to @kforrest I'm sorry! I had a similar incident with one of my doctors, who stood up while I was in mid-sentence and said, "go in peace..." Twice. I filed a grievance because of what I thought was unprofessional conduct. It worked, and now he treats me with more respect. I understand the ghosting too well, but have managed to find new and better friends who treat me like a human being. In fact, although I am not a religious person, I joined the Episcopal church and that has made all the difference in the world. I was looking for kind, non-judgmental people, and I found them. Also, I met someone on this site and we have been emailing each other for nearly 2 years. She is like a mentor to me, and although I will probably never meet her in person, she has become a constant in my life, for which I am grateful. For this site and the connections that can be made. It works. Let me know if I can help by sending me a private message.
Take care and good luck.
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1 ReactionEver the contrarian... Letters (and e-mails) are the illusion of communication. We write because we are afraid of the confrontation, so we devise a one-sided onslaught and then feel justified. But that justification often grows into regret. If you are truly interested in rebuilding the connection, you will have to talk a little and listen more to the other person. That is the problem with letters. In my experience they just serve to inflame a person because the recipient cannot respond immediately and misunderstandings simply linger or worse, they grow.
Mom always said do not make something into to something it is not.
Good luck in managing your disease.
Best always,
s!
in reply to @scottij Thanks. I think letter writing is a lost art, in terms of sitting down, often at different times of the day or night to compose a letter full of deep thought, communicating sincere feelings that often times cannot be fully expressed verbally. Given I am hearing impaired, I am driven to write letters the "old fashioned" way. With one exception, and that is the woman I met on this site who emails me several times a day/week.