@wmehan I find it extremely frustrating when well meaning friends, family, even medical professionals suggest something they think may be good for hubby with no regard for how it will affect me. Especially when the suggestion is made in front of him. He then becomes obsessed with the idea (of travel, dinner out, trip to the theater...) . Often, someone will tell him what he needs to do to get medical attention and I don't know what they said, only know that whatever it was made him scared and anxious. The worst was when he was in hospital or skilled nursing and providers asked if I was spending the night, in front of hubby. Didn't they understand this was the only respite I could get?

I saw this with my mom and dad when he had dementia. Everyone trying to help him and never considered the stress on her. Fortunately, they had 6 children who recognized her needs and moved him to memory care when the time came. Wish we had done it sooner. It would have been better for them both.