Scott- you really hit on something- " Not alone", I find the people hear about ones serious health problems- the less they come around. I'm sorry to say there are friends, and than there are true friends- and if one if really blessed - you might have 2 or 3 such friends. One of the sad issues I hear from my soldiers ( is no one really cared anyway- they are referring to the VA system of mental health, which is a 40 minute discussion about your PTSD or your feelings of being alone without purpose, and then they are asked to leave and come back next week) They don't really get a chance to express the real problems-mainly because some don't know how to put into words how they really feel. We all need some one who will sit with you and let you dump and not correct everything you say and think they know better what you need- or what you are saying. It's a hard road- for me, my faith keeps me going each day- does that mean it's easy (NO) or because I believe in God I shouldn't have health issues- again (NO) no where does the good book ever teach we are given a pass from health problems. No question we all need each other- and to listen as well and be the kind a friend ( I believe) that is always there giving unconditional love and friendship. JJ

Hi @johnjames. Interesting topic to me in many ways. My father-in-law used to say something like "if you can count your good friends on more than one finger, you are truly blessed".

Illness for anyone is a challenge. Chronic illness, mental conditions, and/or any 'unseen' illnesses are often filled with some of their own rather unique challenges. Out of sight out of mind with far too many family, friends, and some medical practitioners. You 'look' OK, so you must actually be 'OK'. I cannot count the number of times I said to my GP during my wife's illness I was struggling with depression. Her response was 'well, look what you are going through' and would ignore it. That led me to more self-doubt (what? Was I actually OK? Was I faking it? Was I just weak?) and it fed on itself, festered, and my depression deepened.

I also believe the focus these days (at least in our area) of doctor's appointments being 20 minutes is a disservice to all patients, but also know it's the way of the world now, but does very little for those with chronic illness issues who need time just to talk through their concerns, symptoms, new challenges, etc.

As for friends I just don't know. I learned along ago in my career many, many of the people I had been calling friends were only interested in me due to my position in the corporation I was with. I lost that job, and that was the end of those relationships. They liked the corporate honcho I was, not the person I was. So it seems it is with many 'friends' when it comes to health too. They liked us when we were hale and hearty. When they would ask 'how are you' and I would just say 'great' it was all good and the conversations and friendships continued. Then in those years I was taking care of my wife and the response from me couldn't be just 'I am great' a surprising number of those folks quit asking how we were or how I was or how my wife was -- and many long time, very dear friends simply began to avoid us altogether. I used to tell folks my wife's cancer wasn't contagious, but they still acted like we belonged in a leper colony somewhere instead of trying to maintain the bits and pieces we could of a 'normal' life.

The above ramblings are meant to illustrate how staying in touch, communicating, etc. is SO important to patients (and caregivers)! Far too many confuse communicating with complaining. We aren't complaining, we are just seeking like minded souls who are willing to talk and not be afraid of us or judgmental over every word we use. Loneliness is a burden best shared! It's why I find Connect so valuable.

Peace