Oh, @riverland889

I am so sorry that you are facing another recurrence!!! What a terrible shock after you've endured so much already and had (I am imagining) gained some hope that it would be enough. I am behind you on this road, but fully aware that this is one possible future for me, as well. I can only imagine what this is like for you now.

And, here you are, waiting for some clarity on what options are possible for you. I am leaning in to hope that your team, and whatever resources you and they turn to for additional information and guidance, can factor in the ways that the previous round of treatments impacted you and come up with some choices that feel viable for you now. I hope your wait for that is not long.

I can imagine that it is a gargantuan task, to stay "calm enough" to keep your wits about you and to face forward and re-face forward each time this current situation naturally pulls you back into memories of what was barely tolerable before. In fact, allowing yourself some time to be a human with their hair on fire, raging, screaming and flailing, might be helpful. I also hope that you have or can garner enough support, including this group, to anchor yourself in whatever sustains you in the present, to face forward and re-face forward so you'll be ready, when information is available, to make choices that feel right for you.

With great care and much hope,

gynosaur