I'm just wondering if there is something else going on...like embarrassment from your husband in that he feels he cannot "perform" any more...so avoids the whole situation because he is panic stricken.
Do you have children or friends that you can give a big hug to when they come over? I can be kind of manipulative I know but I would just avoid even trying with him but just act breezy and non-demanding. Chat and laugh, but no physical demands. Just be warm and affectionate with others-how about a pet? Take that pressure off--not easy because not being appreciated and loved is a very painful thing to deal with. Think about those of us who do care for you--even us at Mayo! Let us know how you are doing...