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Dealing with adult son with mental health: Parents want to share?
Mental Health | Last Active: 6 hours ago | Replies (47)Comment receiving replies
Yes, I know that. However with mental illness one needs support, the proper medications and therapy - interventions must in place. Of course, then it is up to the "patient" to either reach out or not.
He can not see the forest from the trees. He is in the mid-west, I am in Central PA and his father SC. He is refusing to speak to us. My sense is he is now just staying in bed all day and all night. Not seeing his psychiatrist, no therapist, no friends or family is there. God only knows how dark his mind is. I worked in mental health as a psychiatric RN for 25 years. I know first hand how this crisis can play out. My options? Call his mental health clinic and reporting he is a danger to himself. And I know how that goes, the police will be called and a Crisis Intervention Team sent. He if doesn't answer the door the police will bust it down...if he refuses treatment or the Crisis Team decides he is in danger of suicide, he most likely will be put in handcuffs and taken to the nearest ER for a psychiatric evaluation. If he says the "right words" he will not be held. I know I can not "heal" him...but he needs to have options he can reach for... or not. At least have options in place. Now he has nothing. Are you a parent, a mother? Do you have experience with a mentally ill adult child? Do I continue to stand by, do nothing for him and let him to continue to fall deeper and deeper into despair? What should my reaction be?
Replies to "Yes, I know that. However with mental illness one needs support, the proper medications and therapy..."
No. I am not a patent. But I am a retired nurse .Was RN. I did a lot of psychiatric nursing. My first husband died in 2012. He was nondiagnosed with OCD but it was used as an excuse for his hoarding. He had an online porn addiction. He had type 2 diabetes myleodysplactic syndrome and trauma in his past. Severe adverse childhood events. I was emerged in codepency with him trying to save him. He was completely non compliant. The consequences to me for wearing myself out with this behavior was bacterial meningitis of my brain. I was intubated in a medically induced coma multi organ failure failure. I was coded. Of course after this besides extentensive medicare I had trauma informed therapy. That involved taking a hard look at me. This was 2014. In hindsight there was nothing I could do for him to change his outcome. I did change me. This is your son and I understand how painful this is. If he is non complaint what can you really do? Personality disorders even if just traits exist is hard work to resolve. It may involve your son being willing to learn and implement DBT and CBT. I am not a doctor. But medication is only part of the answer. I do not have an easy or promising answer. I wish I did and I sense your pain. One of the hardest things I did was holding my first husbands hand through his breath knowing the outcome could have different. Even with all my " hard work" wanting to change him. The health care is no longer set up to adequately intervene in your sons case in my thought process. The only way I derived any closure about my experience was extensive therapy for myself. Keep trying if you feel the need. You are his mother. I am remarried now. Sometimes I catch myself in old problematic thought and behavior patterns thinking I can save or change someone or something. I have enough skills now to interrupt this. My job is to control the things I can and let go of what I cannot for the welfare of my husband myself our 2 dogs who are my legal ESAs. I have ptsd. I had adverse childhood events very hard controlling parents Not saying this is your sons case but I had to get to the root cause of what happened to me. My motto now is live to forgive. I wish you well in your journey and hope their is help for your son
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@briarrose, My wife and I went through a mental health crisis with our son in his early teen years and he's now in his 50s and still living with us which is a blessing. He learned how to maintain a routine with his medications and he's able to hold a job which helps him with his daily interactions. What really helped us get through the dark times was a National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Family Support Group - https://www.nami.org/support-education/support-groups/nami-family-support-group/. We met other parents going through similar situations and were able to both get and offer help from each other in finding resources.
The NAMI website has some information that you might find helpful here:
-- Family Members and Caregivers: https://www.nami.org/your-journey/family-members-and-caregivers/
I know you mentioned he is refusing to speak to you. Have you tried just sending him a card or letter just to let him know you care for him and leave it open ended hoping he will contact you?