When my daughters were little, I religiously read books on the stages of growth in children, so I would be prepared to deal with whatever came down the pike. It is the same with my husband's ALZ. I had taken journal notes for over two years of observations that shook me, but until he got a firm diagnosis of ALZ I wasn't able to read books and charts and look for help. My husband is at stage 5..sliding into 6. After a bout with Covid, I got a real picture of what life will be. He lost all muscle control, couldn't get out of bed himself, had to borrow a walker, lost all bathroom control; fell in the bathroom, couldn't converse at all..just gibberish. It was an eye opener. He has recovered from Covid and the Depends have been put away, but it made me realize how far I can go as a caretaker at age 80. With the encouragement of my family, I have taken the steps to get the paperwork and deposit ready for a room at a Memory Care Facility 4 minutes from my home. I am shredded by ambivalence,
and fear of pulling the trigger on making this decision for someone else's life. The chart of seven stages of ALZ is helpful because it spells out what is coming. How long? Who knows? I want him to have a shot at making a life for himself there while he has a smattering of cognizance and a chance to become part of a community. I've talked with him several times about it, and he agreed, but I'm not sure what he truly understands. I am looking at it as a 6 month trial for both of us. I've lived alone for 3 months in my 80 years, so it will be an adjustment for me too. I am really struggling on many levels. I am coping by remembering what a good run we had together; he is in no pain; and we have supportive family and friends who care about us. They offer handrails when I falter.
I dread the day of bringing him there and leaving.