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Dealing with adult son with mental health: Parents want to share?
Mental Health | Last Active: 2 days ago | Replies (231)Comment receiving replies
I did think of that...and ironically I am a former psychiatric RN. I know first hand how that can go having done it myself for my patients in need of immediate psychiatric services and in a crisis.
I would have to call his clinic and state he is a danger to himself or others. They told me they would call the police to go to his condo. If he does not answer the door, they would break it down. Of course, he would refuse any intervention because with PPD he doesn't think anything is wrong with him. It's everyone else. Depending on his actions, most likely he would have to be handcuffed and taken out of his condo, an ambulance will be called to take him to the ER for a psychiatric evaluation. He would certainly know it was me...and this would be unforgivable by him to me especially if he is released from the ER. I am trying to speak to his psychiatrist but the clinic says I can't if he is not a danger to himself or others. I don't believe he is suicidal although no doubt he might have passive suicidal ideations...having lost his best friend of 30 years suddenly, without warning at the age of 39. Best friends since age 8.
I actually have a video appointment with his psychiatrist in November - posing as a "patient" but wanting to discuss my son. My feeling is his MD can not tell me anything about him due to HIPPA laws BUT I can report to him. When I was working many times I had family members call me to report their loved one was in a mental health crisis. I listened but did not report anything to them. Of course, there were times the crisis team had to be called (by me) to go to the home. Very, very often the family does not want to be the "bad guys"...& call the police. Now I truly get that. I am in those shoes now. But I do get you. And yes, I am very sick over this. I am trying to help myself. All I do is think "what can I do". No doubt he is lying to his psychiatrist and saying all if "fine"...which it is in his mind. I don't even know if his MD diagnosed him correctly. I believe it's depression and ADD. But that is not what is truly going on with him...yes, depression for sure but the PPD is overtaking everything. Many thanks again for your thoughts and help.
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@briarrose ---
It is completely ethical, legal, whatever to mail a personal letter to your son's psychiatrist. Moreover, it is legal, etc for the psychiatrist to read it.
-- This thread is more than a year old, I pray things have improved---even if the improvement is the big task of your accepting how your son is and that you're seeking therapy for yourself. -- For 8 years my son was an addict of weed, alcohol..and the monkeying around with his bipolar medication.
Since October --3 months ago--he has been living with husband & me
About 2 weeks before he came here, unbeknownst to me his childhood seizures had returned (don't worry now he is working with a great neurologist) but it was a beautiful surprise to learn he'd stopped 'cold turkey' all his addictions.
Today, he sleeps on the couch in our small home. And when he's not recovering from a seizure (focal/partial) or reacting to the powerful RX he has to keep upping the dose on (per doctor's explicit instructions), my son tries to help me and/or husband by doing small chores we've put off for a long time.
Having son here has been so beneficial to all of us! -------I am so grateful. ---
PS: Here's a question, do you love your son no matter what he says or does?-- When I asked myself this, about 6 months ago, I realized that Definitely, I did NOT love him in this way. My love was conditional.
And so I began looking at this barrier within me.
I prayed to be more accepting of the pain of being with him when he was acting 'awful' --most importantly, I prayed to LEARN from the pain/suffering I was experiencing
AND to know 'my part' in all of it... also, ultimately I asked to forgive son and myself.
Part of this process was to keep quiet and watch my labeling, judging, & blaming him/his friends (blaming in subtle and not subtle ways)-- when he'd become verbally abusive.
It took several weeks for me to simply be willing to even want to do this.
Ultimately, I did start this process. And
I saw how I was into pointing a finger at him rather than working on myself....
--
One day about 5 months ago, while he was going off & I was about to get up from the chair I was sitting in to calmly leave (even though he was going nuts, I felt it was critical that I leave as CALMLY as possible)....but on this day, after I said the usual, kinda cheery "Ok, I'm going now, 'til the next time"
I added:
"No matter what you say or do, I love you."
-- I cannot describe his expression, maybe "disbelief" is what I saw.
But it seems this is one of the factors in his deciding to become clean & sober--. It was THE factor for me becoming more accepting, for me to start healing.
We waste so much time telling our 'story' our point-of-view to others: friends, professionals, even on Redditt (please know I am NOT judging you, because I've done the same) but it is my opinion that we need to look in the mirror, kindly/with compassion but yes, do LOOK in the proverbial mirror & do an inventory on our behavior, our mindset etc. Write it down as if you're talking about someone else.. that's what I did.
YET,
please do this honest accounting/this 'let's get real' personal inventory with kindness, with tenderness towards ourselves.
Big hug.