@briarrose I am so very sorry you are anguishing over your one and only son. I can’t imagine your pain because my husband and I have many children so we could at least get our heads onto something and someone else. I can tell you that walking on eggshells does become a way of life and not an easy way to go through a day. There is a book with that title. If you haven’t read it it may be something you might want to read. Our oldest daughter who is bipolar and brilliant has finally found life again and is happy. She has struggled since she was a child as she was abused by a babysitter. Our youngest, an adopted Chinese daughter has finally found her way as well after many years of struggling with mental illness. The anguish I have felt over these children literally tore me apart. Please know the very best you can do for them - for your son - is to pray. When they are too old for you to “intercede” it is so hard and frustrating , and for you so many miles away it is downright impossible. And as someone mentioned NAMI is a great support . Please also know that God cares for your son. I found that to be a comfort because I always felt so helpless and it was literally making me ill. I don’t know that I can help you but please know I do understand and am sending support by way of caring from afar! Sometimes just knowing there is another human being who has been there is a comfort. And please take care of you as someone else mentioned. You can’t be good for someone else unless you are good for yourself. And I know that is hard! I truly feel for you. Irene5