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The Cavalry Is Not Coming

Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: 1 day ago | Replies (60)

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Approaching 15 years as my husband’s one and only caregiver. I realized years ago that not only is the Calvary not coming; nobody is. The first year was the hardest as it was so shocking. My husband’s dementia first started with a viral brain injury that came on suddenly and 3 days later lead to life support for weeks and months in facilities. In which has over time lead to mixed dementia. Our life is completely different and I am solely in charge of our life.
You are correct in saying that once the reality of knowing you are basically in this alone, a sort of peace sets in. Acceptance is a freeing phenomenon.
But some days it is hard not to be lonely, nor to have that one person who knew you better than anyone and loved you regardless of your many flaws. Sometimes I just miss meaningful conversations and being able to connect to my “person”. But over the years I have come to be at peace knowing my person is no longer here. And neither is anyone else. Just getting through each day the best way possible. Carry on.

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Replies to "Approaching 15 years as my husband’s one and only caregiver. I realized years ago that not..."

Dear djgb…

This is so familiar to me, but I am in the early days on this road.

I am working on letting him go- accepting that he won’t come back, appreciating that we can still laugh together, even if it’s only over making silly sounds together. It’s exhausting, he’s someone else, but he’s here and his hand feels the same way when I hold it. That’s something tangible to me- part of him is here. And the rest would be too if he had any choice in the matter. It helps.

But how do you manage the isolation? Life feels like a lukewarm kind of death sometimes. More often than I’d like to admit. And the ‘get friends to help! / do things that nurture you! / get exercise!’ kind of advice feels like it is made by people who have no experience with this.

Any answer from any of us is so welcome.

Big hugs to all of us. ❤️
- Cecilia