Hi @mjmac
You are definitely not alone out there. The waiting game is soooo hard! Sorry you have to go through it all. It's so scary.

As for being positive, you have every right to worry and have your moments because it's all very hard. You're wise to come here and talk to people who understand what you're going through.

You're looking for ways to stay positive despite your worries. We can't help what pops into our mind, but we do have some control over what we dwell on. I was just reading about second thoughts. The first thought in your head can't be controlled (every mind processes the world differently), but we can control out second thoughts. Take some time to write down some happy second thoughts that can replace an unhappy first thought. Whenever you have a first thought you'd rather not have, don't let it get on a loop in your mind. That can go on for hours or days if you let it. It wastes your days and steals your happiness. Tell yourself, "Nope, I'm not going to think about that today" and brush your hands together to show you're finished with that thought. Next, start thinking about something that makes you happy (a happy memory, something on your bucket list, your happy place, etc.) The second thought doesn't have to be related to the first thought. It just has to redirect your mind and be something better to think about right now. We all have both good and bad things we can think about. Refer to your arsenal of happy second thoughts you wrote down. I keep them in the notes section of my phone.

Something else I heard from Joyce Meyer a couple years back that has served me well. It's important to start your day on the right note to set the tone for the day. I now start every day by saying, "Today is a day the Lord has made and I will rejoice in it. Today, something good will happen to me and through me! Who can I bless today?" I love this because it reminds me to appreciate and make the most of every day I have. It also helps me notice the good things that happen throughout the day no matter how small. Maybe someone gave me a genuine compliment, held the door for me (getting rare), took my shopping cart back, gave me a free sample, etc. Yesterday, someone told me they like my smile. It made my day and made me want to smile even more. One day, I was going for my morning nature walk (aka gratitude walk) and right in the middle of the sidewalk there was a single leaf in the shape of a perfect heart. I took that to mean God was sending His love to me today! You are loved! The "good will happen through me" part is totally within your control so do the same little things to brighten someone else's day. Making others happy always makes us feel happy too. It's a win-win.

Even in the midst of a crisis, good things happen to us all the time. We just have to be in the right mode to notice them. Much like the metal detectors used to find treasure on the beach, we can be "happiness detectors" finding little bits of happiness here and there. If you're in the right frame of mind and focus, you'll be like a magnet drawing the happy stuff toward you. The happy stuff will help you get through the difficult stuff. Those are some things that help me keep a smile on my face and enjoy my day. I hope they can be helpful to someone else as well. Prayers for you.