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Staying positive: How do you do it?

Posted by mjmac @mjmac, Sep 18 10:29am

Hello all,
I am having a hard time staying positive as I wait for the letrozole to shrink my tumor. I seem to be fine until I feel an ache or pain that’s something new and then I jump to the worst conclusion and down goes my positive outlook. What do you all do to stay positive. I have until the end of October before I know if tumor is shrinking.
Thank you

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mjmac | @mjmac | Sep 20 10:10am
In reply to @mir123 "It is a good question, and I'm sorry you are going through this. My honest answer..." + (show)
@mir123

It is a good question, and I'm sorry you are going through this. My honest answer is--I don't try to stay positive. My emotions change all the time, like the weather, and I'm used to that. I do, however, manage my anxiety (I was an anxious person before breast cancer and remain so after!). Try to see what helps--exercise. medication if needed, even just relaxing in ways you enjoy. Can you just accept that your ups and downs are inevitable as you are a feeling and caring human being? I will be thinking of you. Check in here any time you feel like it--I think most oral of us have experienced what you describe.

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Thank you Miriam,
I just keep hearing how a positive attitude helps so much. I too am an anxious person and have fought it off much of my life. I have now decided that maybe a “little help” is what I need at this crossroad in my life. Will talk to Dr next week. My new mantra…I am not alone. ☺️

REPLY
1 reply
mjmac | @mjmac | Sep 20 10:26am
In reply to @bpknitter53 "I never strived for "Positive Attitude" during my treatment - just an active mind and body..." + (show)
@bpknitter53

I never strived for "Positive Attitude" during my treatment - just an active mind and body that kept me from going down a dark rabbit hole that is hard to get out of. Fortunately I worked throughout my treatment so at least from 8 to 5 I had something else to occupy my mind. I did a lot of fun reading and knitting - things to keep my mind engaged. At night when trying to get to sleep when my mind was idle - I practiced counting slow breathing so again my mind was occupied. There were times when I fell into the rabbit hole and sometimes I was able to get out easily other times it took a while. Even now over 1 year passed all treatment, I sometimes focus or wonder about every new ache. I have a small note pad and make note of them so I can bring them to my oncologist the next time I see her. I'm TNBC BRCA2+ and what I've read is I have a higher recurrence during the first 5 years. Maybe once I pass the 5 years I can start to relax more - only time will tell. I hope you find something that works for you even if it's to vent about your worries to people who understand what you're going through. There have been many posts that I've made here that were emotional "vents" to others that understood my journey.

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Thank you and good luck on your journey to the relaxation mark. Might I ask if you had lumpectomy or mastectomy? That is another decision for me to make.

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1 reply
Mentor
Miriam, Volunteer Mentor | @mir123 | Sep 20 1:41pm
In reply to @mjmac "Thank you Miriam, I just keep hearing how a positive attitude helps so much. I too..." + (show)
@mjmac

Thank you Miriam,
I just keep hearing how a positive attitude helps so much. I too am an anxious person and have fought it off much of my life. I have now decided that maybe a “little help” is what I need at this crossroad in my life. Will talk to Dr next week. My new mantra…I am not alone. ☺️

Jump to this post

That is a great mantra!

REPLY
bpknitter53 | @bpknitter53 | Sep 20 3:39pm
In reply to @mjmac "Thank you and good luck on your journey to the relaxation mark. Might I ask if..." + (show)
@mjmac

Thank you and good luck on your journey to the relaxation mark. Might I ask if you had lumpectomy or mastectomy? That is another decision for me to make.

Jump to this post

I chose bilateral mastectomy, at 68 I felt they served their purpose and went flat. I decided I didn't want additional surgery to add permanent shape, so went flat. I only wish I'd taken in picture of flat to make sure surgeon and my idea of flat were the same. No regret going flat.

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1 reply
mossa | @mossa | Sep 21 8:34am

My husband and I both got cancer diagnoses within a year of each other. His surgery went well, I am in the “long haul” of AI’s, lymphedema, trying to get grants for Kisqali, scooping hair out of bathroom drain and dread after every MRI/US/labwork. We watch Jim Gaffigan videos and Monty Python and Doc Martin and no longer stifle a chuckle but laugh out loud. We pop popcorn and make late night runs for ice cream. We pack our dinner and take it to the beach to watch the sunset (we live in Florida). We just stopped putting things off. We try to enjoy every day. Make a list of things that bring you joy. This helped us-we still struggle some days, that is part of life I guess

REPLY
mjmac | @mjmac | Sep 21 10:52am
In reply to @bpknitter53 "I chose bilateral mastectomy, at 68 I felt they served their purpose and went flat. I..." + (show)
@bpknitter53

I chose bilateral mastectomy, at 68 I felt they served their purpose and went flat. I decided I didn't want additional surgery to add permanent shape, so went flat. I only wish I'd taken in picture of flat to make sure surgeon and my idea of flat were the same. No regret going flat.

Jump to this post

Sorry, i just reread your post and realized you were Braca +. I should have caught that, mastectomy is pretty standard treatment.
I reread these posts a lot, they help! Wishing you all the best!

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maggieb892 | @maggieb892 | Sep 21 2:17pm

I'm three years out from diagnosis and am finally relaxing and not thinking that the cancer is right around the corner. I had a scare in January and it took 6 weeks to find out that I didn't have mets. I realized that I spent way too much time worrying. If I get more cancer, I'll deal with it then, but for now I will be observant. I'll let my doctors know if I notice any changes and wait for their expert diagnosis. This being said, I am 78 and know that pieces and parts break down all the time. I'm not thinking that everything is part of the aging process, but some of it is. I will still be proactive until the end.

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1 reply
myoga | @myoga | Sep 21 2:55pm
In reply to @bpknitter53 "I never strived for "Positive Attitude" during my treatment - just an active mind and body..." + (show)
@bpknitter53

I never strived for "Positive Attitude" during my treatment - just an active mind and body that kept me from going down a dark rabbit hole that is hard to get out of. Fortunately I worked throughout my treatment so at least from 8 to 5 I had something else to occupy my mind. I did a lot of fun reading and knitting - things to keep my mind engaged. At night when trying to get to sleep when my mind was idle - I practiced counting slow breathing so again my mind was occupied. There were times when I fell into the rabbit hole and sometimes I was able to get out easily other times it took a while. Even now over 1 year passed all treatment, I sometimes focus or wonder about every new ache. I have a small note pad and make note of them so I can bring them to my oncologist the next time I see her. I'm TNBC BRCA2+ and what I've read is I have a higher recurrence during the first 5 years. Maybe once I pass the 5 years I can start to relax more - only time will tell. I hope you find something that works for you even if it's to vent about your worries to people who understand what you're going through. There have been many posts that I've made here that were emotional "vents" to others that understood my journey.

Jump to this post

I’m also a brca2+, ER+. My excisional biopsy turned into lumpectomy because the margin was clear. I had the choice to go for BMX but got scared and decided on surveillance instead. Reading these posts have helped alleviate my anxiety, whether it be venting or sharing experience. Thank you all for your posts on these forums. I now decided to follow in your footsteps for BMX. I’ve got some good advices as to how to prepare before the surgery and how to minimize the pain after. I don’t have the date yet and was told it can take up to a year to schedule the surgery. But I’m ready. Thank you and hugs to all.

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aprilradek | @aprilradek | Sep 21 4:13pm

Hi, I just responded to a similar post. I am trying to thank God (angels, mother nature, etc) every time I accomplish something, today I tidied up my daughter's room for 15 minutes. Yesterday I saw 2 owls at our wooded dog park. But it is a constant struggle for me. Getting outside in nature helps me the most-
Good luck- there are a lot of us and we all cope in different ways. Keep talking about it- that helps.

REPLY
2 replies
Mentor
Miriam, Volunteer Mentor | @mir123 | Sep 21 4:47pm
In reply to @aprilradek "Hi, I just responded to a similar post. I am trying to thank God (angels, mother..." + (show)
@aprilradek

Hi, I just responded to a similar post. I am trying to thank God (angels, mother nature, etc) every time I accomplish something, today I tidied up my daughter's room for 15 minutes. Yesterday I saw 2 owls at our wooded dog park. But it is a constant struggle for me. Getting outside in nature helps me the most-
Good luck- there are a lot of us and we all cope in different ways. Keep talking about it- that helps.

Jump to this post

Two owls--how lovely. I agree about nature. It is one of my best perk-ups, as is being with my 5 year old-grand-daughter. Two years ago I was diagnosed with a rare breast cancer--1-2 year prognosis--but here I am and doing ok with letrozole and not much other treatment. The whole things remains mysterious--the cancer, life in general. But come what may, I've had a very good year the last 12 months in particular some travel, my husband, friends...even seeing a total eclipse. But I feel like small tings work best because the add up to a good day or at least a good bit of the day. Have found it gets easier emotionally--maybe just practice?--and I wish you the continued comfort of the natural world.

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