Oh my goodness!! You have been thru soooo sooo much!!!Our medical system is messed up and we are the victims!! You especially seem to have been victimized.. that's what I call it.. my doctors have put me thru so much..finally found a good one..(or better) I am soo very sorry about your situation.. it is extremely disturbing to have one's life changes so drastically.. I was,managing my GI IBSC for years.. until an antibiotic blew a hemorrhage in my stomach..got that healed then more stuff keeps happening..it's so frustrating.. I have struggled with depression all my life.. and the psychiatrist worked me over good.. too many meds..I had to stop it.. I have a good one now..you know a good doctor is so important..I'm just going to lift you up to the Lord ..I can empathize with you even tho my problems seem soo small compared to yours..I agree about "the form".. please don't' feel like God is punishing you (i wrestled with that too) and you are good enough.. I can just tell you are a lovely person who is going thru ..hell on earth.. big warn loving hugs and prayers