@dovebeloved I can feel your angst and fear through your words.

As @colleenyoung noted I experienced a recurrence. That was in 2021, two years after I was diagnosed with endometroid adenocarcinoma, FIGO Grade 1. In 2019 I had surgery - radical hysterectomy with removal of uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries, and cervix. After surgery the pathology report indicated Stage 1a and so my gyn-oncologist told me that no other treatment was recommended. And yet two years later during a routine cancer surveillance appointment a little polyp-like growth was found on my vaginal cuff, it was removed and sent to pathology. Recurrence. Prior to the recurrence I had no symptoms and so when I got the phone call after the pathology report came out I was stunned and shocked. I could barely walk, think, or talk. I was scheduled for a PET/MR scan, and I was beside myself with fear, sleepless nights, and anxiety. I was 69-years-old at the time so much older than you are now. I could just hear people saying (they never did), "you've had a good life" as if I was going to pass away soon. It was just awful. Once I knew what I was dealing with (the PET/MR showed no evidence of disease so no metastasis) I saw a radiation oncologist and I was set up for external and internal radiation therapy. It was when I knew how this recurrence would be treated that I started to settle down and feel less fearful.

Here is what I've learned. Sadness, fear, crying, going back to the computer over and over again trying to find answers to questions I could not even articulate were all part of the process. No one wants to feel these emotions. We want certainty in our futures and with cancer and the fear of recurrence there is no certainty.

I learned about Hope. Hope is optimism with a plan. Optimism alone is just a thought. A plan has goals and it is action-oriented. So that is why, I figured, I felt less fearful once I saw the radiation oncologist. There was a plan in place that I would follow. So I could be optimistic and schedule the radiation appointments.

I'd like to share this. Please consider being compassionate with yourself. This is a very difficult time for you. I've learned that emotional support is key to going through this. Do you have family who support you? A partner? Close friends? I found solace in reading material from my religious tradition. Do you have a religious and spiritual tradition?