Notifying work

I've known my diagnosis for over a year, I started ADT at the end of May and have just completed 28 IMRTs last week. On the day I got the initial news I decided there and then not to tell anyone who didn't need to know.

My children, family, friends, coworkers didn't need. My boss and his boss did, just in case. Slowly I told some very trusted friends when I needed emergency contacts etc. By the end of my IMRT the group had grown to about 10 people including my kids who needed to know my CHEK2 mutation. Working from home and with a pretty flexible schedule I managed to attend every scan, appointment, test, and even 28 radiation treatments without raising any suspicion outside the group.

I found this incredibly empowering. I'm someone who neither needs nor hates sympathy but going about my usual routine while quietly handling my issue gave me a lot of strength. Finally, with my bell ringing scheduled for last Thursday, I took off Wednesday to Friday and very much enjoyed them. Before I left work on Tuesday I sent an email to our team with delivery delayed until Friday morning. My email entitled: "What's been going on..." had some basic information, that the bell ringing was done, and hopefully the sense that I could talk about this but would be happy to never need to mention it again too. When I returned to work on Monday this was old news. I had a couple of private replies, some spoken good wishes, and we moved on. The cancer jokes haven't started just yet but there's still time - I may need to take the lead on those. Actually, I have one for you guys... One man's Radiation Therapy is another's manscaping

My spinal compression from the metastasis was the more visible issue, since I was on medical leave for 3½ months and came home in a wheelchair, so I focused on that and my rehab when I was talking with coworkers. If people asked, I shared more info privately.

I was in Computers for 50 years and ran my own consulting business for the last 25. Four days after surgery, I showed back up at client offices, helping with problems with their computers.

I never mentioned anything to the 70+ companies I worked with. Had to walk around with a catheter and a bag for two weeks after the surgery, no one had any idea.

How much you have to tell people is totally up to you, but you’re sure don’t need to take months off. After a week or two you’re gonna be itching to get back in there, since you will probably feel fine. As soon as the catheter comes out you will see no reason to stay home, maybe go on vacation!!! I didn’t have any incontinence issues after the catheter was pulled. If you do just stick pads in your underwear and no one can tell.

Have you spoken to any radiation oncologist about having radiation instead of a prostatectomy? Many people are doing that these days instead of having surgery. Urologist like to do surgery because that’s how they make their money. You should’ve had the opportunity to talk to radiation oncologist as well.

Good Luck

I didn't mention anything until I had decided the type of treatment I was going to pursue. I started with my children first, then a grandson who initally wanted to buy my business. He was 15 so I could not wait for him. I was self-employed and felt that I needed to sell my business rather than be laid up for weeks.

I'm 65 and the construction business was kicking my ass anyway. I was slowly losing my balance and I worked off of ladders, I'm sure radiation was not going to help my balance.

I felt it was best to tell my trusted contractors that I worked for, then my close friends. We all have our degree of anonymity and comfort level.

Good luck to you in the future.

Just so you know, neither radiation nor surgery had any effect on my balance at all. Years later while ADT for a long time, I started having balance issues because my muscles have gotten weak.

I totally get the sympathy thing, but I try to make it obvious with my demeanour that it's not "Woe is me. Give me a hug", but more an explanation for why I'm not as fast-moving or responsive as I usually am, and that absences are not because I'm lazy or don't care - I'd rather be at work helping you, than getting a biopsy gun shoved up me.

And yes, I told my brothers straight away, so if they get the "Is there any history of prostate cancer in your family?" They have to say yes, now.

From my perspective, that's actually a reasonable (or at least understandable) comment. "look good" means you're still energetic & smiling. Take it as a compliment. To some people, cancer means you're dying tomorrow. In terms of prostate cancer being "the good one".... badly expressed, but that's possibly someone who has at least looked into prostate cancer & they understand that it's one of the slowest-growing cancers. That's what makes it "the good one".

Here's my thing... I feel lucky that it's prostate cancer. If it was bladder cancer or lung cancer or something... I can't just say "Meh... take it out". But with prostate cancer I can.
That would also be true if it was brain cancer. That can be removed with no effect, because I work for local government.

Some people think we've got two of everything.
I'm not a cow with 4 stomachs - I just eat like it.

I've booked the recommended 6 weeks off.
Service will suffer. God help the users.....

thank you for sharing and thanks for giving me a different perspective. A compliment it will be, actually makes me smile thinking about it. And I understand, as someone posted somewhere on here, unless you throw out the stage you are at, most don't understand. I don't like to say the stage, that's a downer. I smile, they smile, so easy and off we go. Again thanks for the input, it made a difference in my day. Best to all.