thisismarilynb, I am so glad you replied to me. I sure wish I had a good answer for helping you feel better. I don't like it when people say "they know how I feel," when there is no way they do.
So, when I say to you, that I know how you feel, I DO KNOW. Of course we have differences: you will soon be 90, I am 65; you live alone, I live with my hubby (he is 80), you have lunch friends, I have none; your relationship with your children is not what anyone wants; my children relationships are all different, 1 daughter blames my health for ruining her life (she lives on the other side of the country; one daughter is more loving, my son....well hell, tolerable, hell, to calling the sheriff to see if he was in jail somewhere-he was, hellllll, then he became a father @19, the mother abandoned him and my grandson (was a great thing to have happen, for everyone), our relationship is as good as it can be.
My health makes me wish I were dead, I made attempts, but it takes too much energy so I use self harm to let some of the gremlins loose.
I am sorry you feel so lonely, it's a very ugly feeling.
Okay, I really understand the pjs all day, dirty house, my hubby keeps it clean, all the laundry and shopping. My last shower was 55 days ago, I couldn't cool down and stop sweating and shaking, I was outside in 95 degrees watching the fire...there was a big fire that could have burned down the office building we own, we lucked out, but 30 homes were destroyed by an arsonist, they caught him. I tell you this dumb little story just to give you someone else's non-showering routine...maybe you can LOL at me. Have a good shower and eye appointment tomorrow. When you get home, if you find a good movie on TV, let me know what it is. 👋🩵🤗ShelleyW