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I feel like start running and not look back!
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: 1 day ago | Replies (124)Comment receiving replies
I'm actually sitting around waiting for my husband to arise at 1pm and hopefully hasn't left a puddle. Your friend who told you to remember the man you married means well but is not at all helpful. Now is now. Then is then. You are living with the husband who is in your life right now and, for me, it isn't much fun. I just read through two years of notes I've taken about this slide to ALZ. So much was obvious, but I assumed it was just old age; snarkiness, sarcastic use of "Mommy" referring to me, anger issues, frustrations in his inability to do things anymore like use the microwave. Problems with our new car that were his own error. On and on. I just feel at 80, I would like time to focus on my own life and needs. I feel the compass pointing closer and closer to a memory care center for him; space and time for me; a change of role to a friendly perky visitor instead of a bedraggled exhausted caretaker. My daughter recently visited, and I saw what patience she used with him and what a good response she got from him. I could do that for 5 days too. I just don't have an inner caretaker for the long run to my own detriment and his. Looking at the past doesn't do me any good; I appreciate the good long run we had, but it doesn't change today or tomorrow. I hope it does for you.
Replies to "I'm actually sitting around waiting for my husband to arise at 1pm and hopefully hasn't left..."
I agree with you a 100%.
If I was in your shoes and had the means to pay for a care facility I’d moved him there NOW. You deserve to live your last years in peace.
You have much clarity, @billiekip. I think you deserve your life back -and your husband would have probably wanted that for you, big hug.
@billiekip
You are so right...then was then, now is now. Perhaps remembering who he was and how much love we shared in the past serves to remind me that he deserves care and respect now. But I think it should also remind me that I deserve the same. Yes, it's easy to muster the physical and emotional energy needed for a short time. But after years of constant decline with no timer telling you this will be over in a few days and then I'll go back to my real life, it's maddening. I'm sorry to hear the struggles others are having but glad to know I'm not alone.
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Believe me it is not all that happy. When I have to clean the bathroom floor 2 x today, get him to take a shower, cook dinner and he takes 2 bites and decides he’s going to bed. I can continue with this list. When I snap and start talking in a non caring voice I latter get upset with myself I feel like I am dealing with a 3 yr old who doesn’t know how to dress himself. I didn’t intend to say things are just rosy, it helps me to curb my anger at him. I know he can’t help it and I realize it ok for me to let off steam.