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I feel like start running and not look back!
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: 1 day ago | Replies (124)Comment receiving replies
Sometimes it’s you who is ready for him to be in memory care. That’s where I feel I’m at. I can’t live like this anymore. he shadows me all the time, constantly tells me he loves me, but doesn’t know I’m his wife. He doesn’t wear his wedding ring anymore. It means nothing to him. I can’t fill his days and can’t bear to go through my own. I think I’m going to take the plunge and place him very soon. I found a good place. Just waiting to see if I can really afford it.
Just started reading a book I’m finding very instructive. Travelers to unimaginable lands by Dasha Kiper.
Stories of Dementia, TheCaregiver and The Human Brain
Replies to "Sometimes it’s you who is ready for him to be in memory care. That’s where I..."
Thank you for your thoughts, especially the first sentence. I have never looked at it as me being ready. It's so easy to always put my husband's needs first to the point of not even having my needs on my radar.
I'm going to look for that book. I'll be thinking of you as you take this next step.
jehjeh
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I think you make a great point, cheryl16! It feels selfish initially, but after months and months, I realize it is not. You are saving your own self, and in the process letting professionals manage your husbands' daily care. I believe when my husband is in his new space, (which is lovely and I told my daughter to go ahead a place me there when/if I need it), that I will be a better wife to him. He doesn't really have that concept - but I will be happy and joyful in his presence because the hard stuff is taken care of, and I have time to be myself. We are scheduled for his move in on 10/1, we try to discuss it but his aphasia is very severe and the communication is really poor, both comprehension and speech. My biggest fear is that he can't do assisted with support, which is all there is available currently at the place my daughter and I like. He will need to be assessed by the nurse via zoom, as the facility is another state. I am moving him and myself to AZ where our oldest daughter and family are nearby, and memory care is at least 1/3 cheaper. I will miss the beach weather, for sure, but we do what we need to do in this life, as you that are reading this already know. If he fails the assessment, I think they will allow me to still place him but require me to hire a private caregiver as well. I can come daily of course, but would hire someone for 5/6 hours a day or as required. This is going to be really expensive for a while - so am praying he does ok on the assessment, and that a memory care apartment opens up soon- who knows. Everyday is a surprise. But I KNOW this is the right thing. Think about what our loved ones would want our life to be. I promise you my husband would have said, "If I am not me, cannot care for myself, put me someplace safe and have a nice life. Preferably with good food." He would never ask that his wife wipe his bottom, or brush his teeth and dress him. We each know our loved one is not the same person, we love the memory of who they were but we must move forward, always, to the best possible life for all. Good luck everyone, remember to give yourself the same love, grace, and patience you give your husband/wife/parent.