How do you deal with the knowledge that you have cancer? I’d like to share what has helped me. But it’s not for everyone. Please keep that in mind.
When I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, I knew my odds weren’t great. I realized I could be dead in two years.
“This could be my last Christmas.”
“I’ll never see any grandchildren.”
I’d have to make arrangements for the care of a loved one with dementia who would now likely outlive me.
Sounds depressing. I was scared, but I wasn’t depressed. I did not give up. I was very aggressive about treatment. I wanted the best treatment, the most treatment. I just wasn’t very hopeful that it would work.
After surgery and chemo, my CA-125 decreased, but never went down to normal. My scans always had little spots “to keep an eye on.” I was never NED (No Evidence of Disease).
Two years later, when everything slowly worsened, I went through another six cycles of chemo. Then was scheduled for a PET scan afterwards, to see if the chemo had any effect.
Driving to that PET scan with my husband was my lowest point. I had to explain to him that the scan would show either that the cancer was stable or that it was worsening. I wanted to prepare him: if the cancer has spread while on chemo, the only thing the doctors have left to offer is hospice.
We saw my oncologist after the scan. “All clear!” she said. “What?!?!” All the previous hot spots on my last scan were gone! NED! I was totally unprepared for that. It was quite a shock. A wonderful, happy shock.
Cancer patients are always encouraged to hope for the best and “THINK POSITIVE!!!” “You can beat this!” No one tells us, “You really ought to prepare for the worst!” or “Think negative.”
But I’ve found I’d rather brace for the worst and expect bad news. Because then if something unexpected happens, it’s a happy wonderful surprise.
It’s horrible to get bad news. But it’s even more devastating when you’re not expecting it.
“Think positive” was the mantra of the 1980s. Back then, I had a friend who had lymphoma. He was 33 when he died. His girlfriend said at the time, “You know how you’re always supposed to ‘think positive?’ Well, it can backfire. Because when things aren’t going well, you blame yourself. For not thinking positive enough.”
That made a big impression on me, long before I got cancer.
And I did get to meet my first grandchild. The happiest surprise.🥰