I worked for over 40 years as a physical therapist, mostly with geriatrics in nursing homes and patients' homes. Seeing the fear and confusion in the few dementia patients I had was heart breaking. I think your mom's memory care facility is much too rigid about bathing, especially where feeling loved and understood is so important in those last scary years. Bedfast patients can be kept very clean with bed baths. I feel squeaky clean when I can only take sponge baths when we're camping. I've read several books about Alzheimer's that say even tho our loved ones took showers daily, we have to lighten up and maybe try to give them a bath or shower once a week-if necessary-kinda like the old Saturday night baths.

I talked to the director of a VA Home we are considering for my husband and maybe me someday if it becomes necessary. She said they had a colonel who refused to take showers. They finally told him the general was coming and he'd better get ready, and he did:) The home your mom is in seems to be going by out-dated standards. I'm really wondering how much training the administration and staff have had on the care and needs of dementia patients. Places like that are why I am so dreading having to find a good home for my husband. I worked in one that had a centurion club whose members didn't have to get up as early as the rest for breakfast when they were 100 years old or older.

My husband used to take showers daily and is now reluctant to take showers once a week unless I remind him that we're going out with friends, to church, etc. He has gotten so that he doesn't like to be chilly so I work hard to make sure that the water temp just right, etc. Once he's in there he loves it and isn't anxious to get out. We have ADA height safety rails around the tub and a good non-slip mat on the floor. However, I'm thinking about converting our tub to a walk in shower which will be a lot easier for us both, especially if we need to use a tub chair, hand held shower hose, etc. someday.

Bless you. Your mom is fortunate to have you as her advocate when she needs to dependson others so much for EVERYTHING.