amour,
👋 hi, I'm a 65yr old nana, so if I make a mistake in my understanding of what you want, feel free to correct me and then explain what I misunderstood. I found this website:
https://samaritanshope.org/our-services/24-7-helpline/
You said you are in another country, and money is an issue, so I looked for a link that might work for you, being outside the USA, that appears to be FREE👍.
There were several sites for teens. I used the term "warmline", these are generally for everything but suicide. I heard a lot of feelings from you, but not that you are anywhere near suicide. If I am incorrect, use "hotline" in your search. I do hope you can try this method, cheap, anonymous ,easy, and you can end it, immediately, by closing your internet or phone.
Why do you feel that you can't tell your dad?
Is your mom still physically and mentally abusing you? Abuse is a very broad term that is interpreted differently to different people...BUT abuse is abuse and it is WRONG!
tbrksweetyahoocom suggested reading. You said you tried but it was about your situation so it didn't help. My thought is that she may have meant to read a novel about something that you like, and try to get lost in the story. For example, I like mysteries, love, legends real or fiction. So I am reading a novel that is about a woman who had tragically and accidentally shot her mother when she was 5 yrs old, jump forward to her current life as a loving mom and wife with a successful career, then her husband buys her a birthday gift, a house, and then all the mysteries and troubles start.
I always, well 98% of the time buy the books at thrift shops, so they are dirt cheap. 📕📕ShelleyW