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To move near family or stay put
Aging Well | Last Active: Sep 30 8:46am | Replies (77)Comment receiving replies
I was approached on that subject by my daughter and she certainly didn't make the offer sound too attractive, more like an order. I just ignored the offer at the time. I might mention I am a widow in my early 80's. I have no family other than my 2 daughters and the eldest one is disabled and living in a rehab hospital. I live all the way across the U.S from them and so far am mentally and physically able to live on my own. If I moved I would be moving to Ca. and I lived there for 50 years so I know how it would affect me. I couldn't afford a car or ins. So I would have to give up that part of my independence, rent would be way too expensive and the cost of living there would be out of my budget. Basically if I moved there I would be giving up everything my husband put in place for me, so I could feel secure. That same daughter manages to visit about every 2 years and plays with her phone the whole 3 or 4 days she is here.
Replies to "I was approached on that subject by my daughter and she certainly didn't make the offer..."
At our ages, and my husband and I are not that far away from yours, it makes no sense, and I believe we still retain a very clear sense of what is good for us- I say stay put. I had to take care of my aging parents when they were beginning to show signs of shutting down and their finances DEMANDED they come near us. They didn’t want to be a burden as they often said but it was a necessity. I took care of them, their medical needs, their transportation and everything else imaginable. I loved them dearly and miss them still. It was a huge health burden on me as I’m the only child. I think our adult children mean well but ultimately we ARE a burden and then there is form of “loving” neglect” if that makes any sense. The promises and good intent are there, but they still have their own lives to lead.
You have a good thing going even tho distance makes it sad and disconnected. Right now, count your blessings and stay in close contact.
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Thank you for this honest assessment of your life as it is and as it would be in California. I think you have your answer. I am faced with a similar choice. These choices aren’t straight forward, but an opportunity to assess our needs, happiness and self worth. Thanks for putting your story out there. It helped me.