Not able to have a orgasm

Posted by harvey44 @harvey44, Sep 1 2:29pm

I am having a difficult time to reach a orgasm when having sex with my wife. I have to use a combination of Viagra and a pump with a ring to have a erection good enough to have sex. The problem is that I start out having normal sex and great feeling of building up to a orgasm and then the feeling goes away and I don't have one. It's quite frustrating and my wife feels guilty that she isn't doing something right. That's not the case I tell her, you're doing everything you can. Has anyone had this experience and if so, have you had a remedy or still suffer from this issue? I have had the same problem when using Trimix.

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scottbeammeup | @scottbeammeup | Sep 4 7:00am

In reply to @spino "Yeah, @harvey44 sometimes I'm not even sure I had an orgasm! Mainly I find out that..." + (show)

@spino

Yeah, @harvey44 sometimes I'm not even sure I had an orgasm! Mainly I find out that the anticipation phase has passed and does not return, so whatever I had, that was it. Sometimes it's better than others, but it is never like before PC. Over the last 2+ years I've coached myself to accept whatever is, try whatever helps, and enjoy who I am. One thing is for sure, I don't have any trouble with premature ejaculation :-).
Now, what have I read? Not much that directly addresses this. But what does suggests this is normal, and part of it is definitely in the brain, not the tissues. However, it is also apparently normal to require more or different stimulation to reach climax than previously. This in turn I find means that it can be harder on the physical parts and I find that may require more recovery time. (Makes sense to me, given nerve damage, trauma, and/or retraining)
@philipsnowdon I've wondered if I'm low testosterone, and my urologist is willing to explore this, but I don't have your challenging history, and I've been reticent to consider testosterone for fear it might feed the (currently latent) cancer which I assume is still lurking somewhere. Maybe if I'm still stable in another 5-10 years? One day at a time.
As of now, I haven't had sexual intimacy using a pump and ring, although I've tried self stimulation with this combination to learn. Based on this, I think this would be different, but not necessarily preferable. I was using trimix, but my wife found it inhibiting because the arousal was so immediate and the injection process was not itself pleasurable or intimate. I found that while I had a firm erection, it also led to more discomfort or even painful tenderness, so we switched to accepting hardness insufficient for penetration for a while and now we have added sildenafil (viagra) which I wasn't able to tolerate earlier because of side effects, but seem to be able to tolerate now. With sildenafil 100mg arousal is maybe just good enough (6 on a 10 pt scale?) It's been about 2 months since we last used a trimix injection.

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FWIW, I'm on ADT and can get decent erections with 100 mg of Viagra, just not orgasms but I'm hoping those return when ADT ends. I've heard from guys in my support groups that the injections can be uncomfortable and those that do them mostly do it for a partner. Right now, I have a mental block even thinking about a penile implant because it just seems too permanent and what if it kills the sensation? But, again, some guys in my group have had one and only one doesn't like it. I recently started seeing someone and, after a couple dates, put my cards on the table and they have been OK with things as they are so we'll see.

In some ways it's kind of interesting just going along and enjoying intimacy without thinking about getting to the big finish. I'm certainly able to last a lot longer--probably indefinitely or at least until the Viagra wears off.