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I feel like start running and not look back!
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: 1 day ago | Replies (124)Comment receiving replies
@billiekip - I am distraught for you & your situation.
To clarify: I am not in a situation as a caregiver; I am the one getting desperate for an expression of care from my partner.
I pay for 99% of everything, b/c I can (& am comfortable with that if this were an emotionally rewarding relationship). Up until 4 years ago, that was not the case: for our first 6 years we "dated", did things together mostly on weekends (we lived 28 miles away fm each other), split everything, etc. but we were not living together then, and both of us were working.
Replies to "@billiekip - I am distraught for you & your situation. To clarify: I am not in..."
If I were in your shoes, I would consider myself an independent entity and find a 3 tiered living situation. My friend just moved to one..she has an apartment now, but assisted living and nursing units are available without her having to leave the facility. Care is guaranteed for your lifetime. What you had together was great, but change happens, and your needs are different now. These memory diseases can't be cured and the trajectory changed, I'm sorry to say. Take the time while you still have the physical strength to change your situation and get your ducks in a row. You want to make decisions for yourself while you are able to. Do the best thing for yourself. Put yourself first and foremost. Take care of you. Had the tables been turned, and I had ALZ instead of my husband, I can't imagine what would have happened to me. Taking care of others has never been in his wheelhouse. Doing projects like painting his mom's apartment..fine. But personal, physical care. Nope.
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I'm not wanting to change the topic, but it hurts to hear of others in emotionally neutral, one-sided situations. Even if a medical or mental condition is the cause.
I won't offer any solution here, as each & every single situation is different.
I do feel that caring for a loved one is part of the dynamic of relationships. But I do believe in limits, especially when there are options with other/additional caregivers/visitors/facilities.
We are in that situation with our mother (my sibling & I). Fortunately we have resources to draw on for this.
And now I'm in pain b/c my own committed relationship is not emotionally reciprocal, esp. under challenging circumstances.
I always said 'you can be more lonely with one person than on your own.'
I'm 67 and I want to interact with an engaged partner. Discussing this with him hasn't made a bit of a difference, in fact it's only gotten worse.
I'll leave it at that for now.
Everyone in these caregiving / end-of-life situations has my empathy and I applaud your endurance.
But there are limits, and to each her own.
Hugs.